Lincoln's Crusade

Preemie Reunion 2011

2011-09-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'll find plenty more photos in the next little bit, but these were the ones I was really keeping my eyes peeled for. We love going to the preemie reunion and showing all the people we grew very close to, how their hard work has paid off. I love to see them drool over Lincoln and watch his gaze as if he truly remembers each one.

This cute little lady holding Lincoln was one of the first angels to take care of him. Not only did she take care of him, but she took wonderful care of us as well. We have fond memories of Heather and could never thank her enough!!

And to be honest, the photo/post overload is due to me slacking a little too much. I looked at one of the past comments from a friend on the last post I did. She asked for an update....that was July 10th and the post was dated April 14th. We just recently moved and because of the distance, we were assigned new therapists. It's always a good and bad thing. Good because we can go outside of the box with the therapy we were receiving before and have a new set of eyes and bad because we loved our old therapists and will miss them dearly. We'll being doing an assesment in the next couple of weeks again to see where Lincoln is and where we need to go. The funny thing about both of our new therapists is our PT is actually one of our friends. We didn't put it together until she got here and we all recoginzed each other. Her hubby and my hubby worked and played softball together in the past. Now with my OT, I was told that she's good... really good....like Annie Miller good. Annie Miller was one of our therapists while Lincoln was still in the NICU at Utah Valley. We LOVED her and she LOVED Lincoln. We were so sad to have had to move on from her, but we still get to see her from time to time and hear about her. We've met with our new OT, Chris, once and so far she is wonderful. Now that I've caught you up just a teeny on Lincoln, I have a bit more detailed blogging to do on our family blog! .....maybe another day!

My Buddy

2011-09-06T22:03:00.001-07:00

These two are great buddies. Lincoln was happy to accompany Luke to his first day of Kindergarten. Given the opportunity, I bet Luke would have had Lincoln stay with him the whole day. They sure are cute together. I love to see the sibling love between them....cute boys!!

Moab 2011

2011-09-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

I think the only time I pulled out my camera this entire trip was for these pool photos. I was happy to capture the genuine fun Lincoln was having in the pool. It got a little chilly so he didn't last long, but he loved it while it lasted!

Memorial Day

2011-09-06T21:47:00.000-07:00

Love the opportunity we have to go down and visit our baby Colten. Lincoln is getting to that stage where he's pretty curious and was a bit interested in the headstone. Isn't amazing how close babies are to the doorways of Heaven. I often wonder what they see...what they know. I'm sure Colten was one of the last angels Lincoln saw before he made his presence here on earth. I'm sure Colten has been Lincoln's guardian angel through out all of his struggles. How wonderful it will be to see these boys reunite! And really all of us for that matter!

Fourth of July 2011

2011-09-06T21:30:00.001-07:00

I'm so bummed! I took a ton of cute pictures with my phone of us at the derby, but a few days later I had to reset my phone because it was frozen. I lost all the photos I had on there. That's why it's good idea to back everything up ASAP! Here I go again being a Debbie Downer. Makes me sad I haven't had my camera in hand as often lately. I am a tad busy with school, but I don't want too many memories to pass by! For some reason these photos aren't the best quality, but they're better than nothing!!

Collage

2011-09-06T20:48:00.000-07:00

I rummaged through all of Lincoln's miscellaneous photos to see if there were a few random ones I could add. And as you can see, they are very random!! Man..... I need to start taking photos more! I'm pretty good around the holidays, but I need to get better at taking more candid shots!

I think this was one of the last pictures with Lincoln in my belly. Savana snuggled right up to me and Lincoln and posed for the camera :)

In a Pickle

2011-09-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

So, how do you get your mom to not feed you a pickle when you're just not lovin' it? I think he gave in with that old saying...."if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" It was too funny watching all his sour faces. He wasn't sure about the pickle at all, but one thing's for sure....he loves to humor us. We tried this the other day with a lemon. He didn't love the taste, but seeing that every one of us giggled with delight, he kept doing it just to get us to laugh and get our attention..

Oopsies....

2011-07-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Found this one in my drafts. Somehow it slipped right past me and I never published it. I'm not sure what my journaling was meant to be, but I do know I was trying to document how much he loved banana's (hence the immensely messy banana face) and how he was starting to pull himself up in his crib!

Easter 2011

2011-04-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

This was Lincoln's first camping trip! We have a family tradition of camping for Easter. It was MIGHTY cold. Luckily we have a trailer and so do my parents! The kids had an egg hunt around the campsite and then when we wrapped it up there, we had an egg hunt at Scott's parents house. Aren't traditions fun?!? What do you know....no pictures with mommy :( Some day I'll get it!

He Crawls!!!

2011-04-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

He's doing it!!! Did it just click?? Or did it help I had him in a diaper only on the cold kitchen tile floor?? Either way....he did it!! Let's just hope he keeps it up!

Keep on Keepin' on

2011-04-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

I may be jumping ahead of myself here, but I think we're on the brink of a major break through. Lincoln has been able to get up on all fours for about six months now. Initially, that gave me a false sense of hope thinking he would crawl not long after he figured that out. I've seen some great progress from him and my expectations have been high. I felt a little discouraged after one of his PT sessions. We discussed what could be holding him back. He has some tone in his hamstring & hip muscles. Its something we're working on & keeping tabs on. BUT the last couple days, he has been making small moves in the crawling direction! I feel like if I can concentrate on giving him that extra attention a little bit everyday ..... It will happen!!
In other news, his eighth tooth just broke through, he is self-feeding really well, he's signing AND saying more, he's completely on a bottle, and the sweetest of all... He's started to give kisses when I ask for them!! He's sitting in a highchair and loving it!
Update from the follow up clinic: The only doctor we had to see was the opthamologist. It was a record-breaking follow up clinic visit. We were in and out of there in less than an hour. I let Dr. Larson know I honestly wasn't having Lincoln wear his glasses very often. I let him know it was very difficult with the stage he is in. He's not really sitting, he's not standing, so he's either always on his belly or occasionally on his back. Dr. Larson actually informed me if he wasn't really ever crossing his eyes there would be no need for him to wear his glasses. I let him know that I rarely, if ever, see him cross his eyes. He then examined Lincoln and then lifted a ton of bricks off of my shoulders by telling me he doesn't have to wear them anymore!!! YAY!! It's really hard to understand until you have experienced it yourself, but when they say having a preemie means your baby stays in that baby stage forever, it is SO true. It's been hard in some ways to see other babies surpass him or to not notice when he doesn't reach those milestones in the 'normal' range of time. But I'll tell you what, Lincoln is the most sweetest, most gentle, most loving, precious little soul. He is so patient, easy to humor, and so easy to love. The progress will come, the time will pass, he will grow and life will be good!

One Year of Pure Bliss!

2011-04-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

One year ago today we brought Lincoln home from the Hospital. I still can't believe everything that we went through. When I read through all of our experiences it truly sounds like it's straight out of a novel. I don't know if some people could even make these things up if they tried! With that said, I'm glad it's over. I'm glad it's a year behind us and all we have is the future. Lincoln is such a wonderful baby. He still sleeps all through the night, is trying SUPER hard to crawl, drags himself around the entire downstairs by means of the army crawl, finally has more hair sprouting all over his head, has seven teeth, and enchants me with his blue blue eyes! The kids call him baby blue eyes and it just melts my heart. He has them wrapped around his little finger about as much as he does me. He simply adores his daddy. I love to see his eyes light up, accompanied with a sweet sincere smile, as his eyes meet with his daddy's. And above all, I'm SOOO extremely grateful for a year of good health and no scary visits to the hospital.
We Love You Lincoln!!!

Busy Bees

2011-04-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Life just keeps getting busier and busier and it's not even the peak of our sports season :(

Some things that keep me smiling and my heart thumping:

Lincoln is exploring ALL over the house. It used to be that he would just roll all over the living room, but he's definitely broadened his horizons. First it started with him making his way into the kitchen. While most parents dread the stage where their babies become mobile and find the dog food, we were elated! His other favorite place to play is the bathroom in our master bedroom. I don't see where the fascination is LOL. Note to self (and everyone else for that matter): keep bathroom door closed! He is not quite crawling, but has mastered the army crawl. He loves to get up on his hands and knees, then rock back and forth. We're gently encouraging the crawling...it will come! He now has five teeth and the sixth and seventh have broken through the gum! We made a visit to Dr. Berry for Lincoln's 15 month well-child check up. Things are looking good. We talked about how he is definitely behind in a lot of areas, but he is making progress and that is all we can ask for. Funny story, when Dr. Berry was doing the "diaper-area" check, Lincoln peed on him! I died laughing because it's one of those embarrassing things that is totally uncontrollable. Lincoln RARELY pees when his diaper is off! Tomorrow we're off to another neonatal follow up clinic. We'll get a better idea of where he is in general.

Scottie is busy with basketball, scouts, and after-school art. His last basketball game of the season is this coming Saturday. His team is undefeated and he often tries to emulate Jimmer of BYU..... I kid you not! He is doing well in school and was just signed up with another super-league baseball team.

Savana is also involved in an after-school art class. This is her cup of tea! She is constantly drawing pictures and writing stories. I just recently bought her a huge three ring binder along with a three hole punch so she can store and save all of her favorite stories and pieces of art. Her seventh birthday is coming and I'm feeling the pressure of preparing for photos, invitations, party and presents. She has mentioned a few ideas, but I'm the culprit for having the big ideas!

Luke is my little buddy! If he's mad at me, he'll threaten to withhold his kisses. He's become a little Wii addict and I occasionally have to take some time to sit down and play it with him. He loves to talk my ear off about it as well. He's pretty good and puts me to shame! We're trying to prepare him for kindergarten this fall. I'm really nervous and hoping it's the right decision! He will be five in July, so that will make him one of the youngest in the class. I had previously decided I would hold him back a year, but with me going to school, this seems to be the best fit! He gets to spend a couple of afternoons with grandpa through out the week, while I'm at school, and they are becoming pretty good friends!

Scott loves the Utah winters....not! No matter what, he gets a lingering cough & cold and it seems he can't ever nip it in the bud! That is definitely one thing he loved about AZ, he never had to deal with these nasty colds! He's actually not too busy with sports right now, surprise surprise. He has his weekly bowling league going on and then once in a blue moon plays a basketball game at the church.

I don't know if there's enough room on this blog to fill in all of the things that are keeping me busy! A few of which would be, school, kids, photography....life. I decided to go back to school because with Lincoln's situation, we desperately need good health insurance. Because Scott is self-employed, private health insurance is horrendous. I have thought strongly, for quite a few years now, about being an Ultrasonographer. There aren't very many places at all that offer the program. I have two choices: a) outreach program for Weber State University (Which you have to be a radiology tech before even applying to the program....not an option for me right now), or b) Salt Lake Community College who also offers the program. I was working on my last class for my associates degree when my water broke with Lincoln. Luckily it happened early enough in the semester that I was able to withdraw from the class. The pre-req's for the program are: 1)High School Diploma or Equivalent...check, 2)COMM 1010 or 1020 Communications(public speaking)....check, 3)MATH 1010 Intermediate Algebra...not checked...not so sure what I'm going to do with this yet, possibly test out:( (so sad because I completed Math 1050 in high school, but because it was over 5 years ago they won't take it!), 4)PHYS 1010 Elementary Physics....not checked I will be registering for this in the fall, 5)BIOL 2320/2325 Human Anatomy....not checked, but registered for summer semester at BYU, 6)BIOL 2420/2425 Human Physiology....not checked, but registered for spring semester at BYU. Other preferences, but not requirements patient care experience and a degree. The insane thing about the whole program is that it is only offered every other year with 16 spots available, 16!!!!
Along with having my degree by this fall, I am now enrolled in a CNA program and will hopefully have patient care experience to put on my resume. I have a lot to do in very little time. If I don't complete all of these things by this next coming winter, I won't be able to apply for the program for another two years. Wish me luck!!! In the meantime, besides my daily responsibilities that come along with being a wife and mother, I am still doing a few photo sessions here and there. I sure hope I don't get burnt out anytime soon!

We've been trying to keep it light around here with taking silly photos and, if needs be, recover with laughter therapy.

Thanks Hayley for the inspiration and the app! As you can tell, we'v been having a lot of fun :)

Christmas Celebrations

2011-04-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

Life is really crazy right now! I see how fully overloaded my life has become. The sad thing is that I'll try to organize my life and change priorities around, but once I've gotten rid of something that's taking up too much time, I'll fill that empty slot with something new. I just came to that conclusion this morning when I gave myself about 15 minutes to curl my hair, get dressed, put makeup on, and get the baby dressed. I can fully admit that I spread myself too thin. I can't sit still...it drives me batty, but the moments I allow myself to stop and breathe, it feels really good.
......and that's the explanation for this post being so late :)

Phew...now that I have that off my chest...let's get ready to rumble!

The season was filled with christmas tree decorating....

Gingerbread house decorating.....

School plays.....

School Christmas programs

Snowman building/more gingerbread house decorating.....

meeting Santa for the first time for one and sitting on Santa's lap.....

Shoveling LOTS of snow/making sugar cookies for Santa....

And last but not least..... Christmas surprises on Christmas morning and all through out the day....

It was definitely filled with fun and magic. They're already counting down the days for next Christmas!

Days Gone By

2011-04-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Life just keeps happening all around me. I feel so neglectful to the blog, but it turns from doing a quick post into me being on the computer for an hour! It's what I want though. I love being able to look back on these memories. I've always talked about printing my blog into a book and I finally did it. That in itself takes time, but the results are beautiful!

The kids are busy as ever. Scottie, Savana, and Luke are all in a bowling league on Saturday's. They are really enjoying it. This last Saturday was the first time we all went as a family. All the other time's, either grandma and grandpa took them or Scott, something was always going on. I'll have to remember to take picture's tomorrow and post them.

Lincoln is doing amazing things (as always)! He is getting up on all fours! No crawling yet, but he's very eager to be mobile. He rolls ALL over the house, but no getting up into the sitting position as of yet. The therapists have us working on getting him to go from lying position to sitting position. He gets it, he just needs time to gain more strength. They also want us to have him rock back and forth once he is in the crawling position, so that his body gets the cues of his weight shifting. I'll say "rocky, rocky" and he rolls over and starts rocking on all fours! He'll sit pretty well if we put him there, but that's about it for now. I've seen that I should never limit my expectations with him and just understand it will all take a little extra time. I'll start to introduce vitamin d cow's milk pretty soon. We'll see how that goes!

We were all sick for the span of about two weeks. First the 24 hour flu hit everyone besides Lincoln and myself, then all of the kids caught a nasty cold with the croup. Lincoln decided he didn't want to eat any baby food when this all went down. I was a bit worried about him. He was still nursing and taking bottles so I knew he wasn't in any real danger. His poor gums have been swollen for about the last three weeks and yesterday one of his upper front teeth finally cut through his gums. Even having to go through all of this yucky stuff, he was still a little angel.

I never mentioned how Lincoln's latest neonatal follow up clinic went. It was a loooong day. We didn't even see everyone that he qualifies to see. First up the pediatrician, Dr. Bybee. He took his time assessing Lincoln and had nothing new for us. He took note that Lincoln is behind in size as well as with his gross motor development. He's still amazed with Lincoln. I love Dr. Bybee. There's something about him. He's so gentle and soft. Lincoln takes to him very well. Next we saw the nurse...she got all of his stats :S wish I had written them down! The nutritionist was next, she noted he's on a steady growing curve, but is still at the bottom of where he should be. She suggested that I add 1/2 tsp. of olive oil to his baby food to help plump him up. I've been doing that and it's not bothered him a bit! She also suggested to make sure we get in at least one bottle of 24 calorie formula a day. I've been trying pretty hard to make it two...just to be safe. I think I heard someone once describe the 24 cal diet as stuffing a bunch of donuts in his bottle (something like that). Last but not least, the highly anticipated, Dr. Larson. I had a bunch of questions for him about Lincoln wearing his glasses. I was a bit confused between the three different people we were working with, Dr. Hoffman, Dr. Larsen, and our vision therapist Terry. I learned that Lincoln wears his glasses more to correct his alignment rather than to correct his vision. That was comforting. He said as long as we're persistent in keeping them on, that would rule out any probability of surgery. It's so very hard to keep the glasses on him. Besides the fact that he tears them off constantly, I don't trust myself with them. They weren't cheap and I'm afraid it would be so easy for me to lose them! It's more of a habit, for both of us, than anything.

Life keeps evolving. It's almost Christmas and it will be a special one. This time last year, we had a little piece of us missing.....Lincoln was in the hospital. He'll get to experience his very first 'real' Christmas at home with his family.

Birthday Bash

2010-11-23T13:36:00.001-08:00

Scottie's birthday party wish was granted! We threw a family party for him and Lincoln. They had a blast and we loved all the company!

On Lincoln's actual birthday we gave him his own little cake and told him to dig in. He wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

At first, the slippery gooey mess in his hands was pretty foreign. Then, he really got the hang of it and was thoroughly enjoying himself!

Insert smiley face and ..... ta-da .... we have a happy baby causing all kinds of mischief!

Phew, he's not used to working that hard! It did exhaust him a bit, but it was well worth it for us to be able to see him enjoying his first birthday cake!

Happy Birthday Little Linc!

2010-11-09T11:36:00.001-08:00

Well, the day is here. He's officially one! He's still so happy, mellow, precious, and we all just want to eat him up! We'll have a little family celebration tonight. In the meantime, here is a video for you viewing pleasure of Lincoln's first year of life!

Lincoln's First Year from Megan Brown on Vimeo.

I made sure to take a picture of Lincoln every month on his birth day. The first couple of pictures were taken in the hospital, but from four months on we were able to take them all at home.

Birth

One Month

Two Months

Three Months

Four Months

Five Months

Six Months

Seven Months

Eight Months

Nine Months

Ten Months

Eleven Months

Twelve Months

More birthday celebration photos to come!

Thank Heaven,

2010-10-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

For eleven months, that is. All I can say is, I can't believe the vast improvement just a few weeks can make. I continue to watch him blossom right before my eyes. His newest trick, he loves to clap. It's all he does anymore, especially if we sing pat-a-cake, he hears someone else clapping, or we tell him to clap.

He finally has his first tooth! It came through on the 24th of September. I think he loves to show it off!

We'll put him in his bouncer and the boy goes to town. His jumps are accompanied by his giggles and our delight. When he's no longer in his bouncer, he continue to jump on our laps.

It seems he is much more interested in people. He makes eye contact with just about everyone who speaks to him. And he's always interested in what you've got going on with your hands if you're holding him at the same time.

His angelic demeanor is forever steady. He is so patient, and truly a happy baby.

Happy eleven month birthday, Lincoln. One more month until we celebrate the day you changed our lives forever!!

Developmental Test

2010-09-27T11:57:00.001-07:00

At least a month ago or more, Lincoln's occupational therapist performed a developmental test on him to see if he's on track and where he is for his adjusted age (being 6 months). Today we received the results. Unfortunately they didn't have a copy for me right then, they'll be mailing it later on. In the meantime, I'll try and go off of memory...so don't quote me on this!

Gross Motor Skills....Lincoln scored at a 4 month level. To be expected for us. He is a bit behind and we knew he would score low here. He is barely now mastering the ability to go up on his forearms and lift his head while on his tummy.

Language....he scored at a 2 month level. This one is a bit hard for me to understand. Truly, if he was at about 6 months of age adjusted at the test, he shouldn't be saying much. He has communicative skills such as crying when he needs a bottle, diaper change, or sleep...Laughing when he's happy or someone is being silly...and just babbling like a baby would. I think where they were going with this one was he doesn't necessarily connect the name Lincoln to himself etc.

Cognitive...he scored in the 75th percentile. I am truly giddy about this!! He is above average for his adjusted age and doing things above his chronological age! I am super excited about this one because you never know with the brain bleed-brain injury how it will affect them cognitively. You don't know their capabilities physically, but mentally is also another big issue! So far, he's exceeding our expectations.

I'm going off of memory here and not all of it seeped in, obviously. There were a few more scores and only one more I remember vividly that he was above average on! When I get the actual score sheet, I'll make sure to clarify things.

We set new goals for Lincoln and checked off the ones he's achieved.
Some of the new goals:
Making more purposeful eye contact (this can be especially hard for preemies)
Getting on all fours with intent to crawl
Being able to name objects or people for him and for him to comprehend
Sitting unsupported

He's doing really well with eating....no issues there. That can be a hurdle with preemies as well.
The occupational therapist had been leery of some tone in his hamstrings. This can be indicative of cerebral palsy. When she came today, she said he felt differently and more loose than ever in his legs. We've been working really hard with his stretches.

I'm so proud of my little guy. Life with him was so uncertain and in some terms, it still is. A couple of things I have witnessed and will always believe in....

One....There is a God. We have a Father in Heaven whom is vastly aware of each of our individual situations....And He CARES. Second, I know we are predestined for the lives we have, it is our choice do with it what we may. Third, I KNOW these trials are given to us to help refine and mold our souls in combination of having the opportunity to be an example to others. Lastly, I firmly believe He will never give us anything we can't handle.

I also still, and forever will, believe in miracles. Sometimes when I have the conversation with other people about the experience I had with Lincoln, things seem knew to me. In the sense that, it's somewhat foreign and I never thought about it in that light. Like the fact that I was FOUR AND A HALF months pregnant when my water broke. That is just unbelievable. I always say I was 18 weeks along. Most people are just about to find out the sex of their baby at that gestation. And while most women have 2 maybe 3 ultrasounds through out the duration of their pregnancy, I was having an ultrasound once monthly from 9 weeks to 20 weeks, then twice a week from 20 weeks until I delivered him at 28 weeks gestation. Mind boggling. He was meant to be here and he's making his mark on this world. Ok, even if it's not a mark on this world, it sure is on me and my family. I look forward to watching his progress. I love how everything he does is so exciting and such a huge achievement to us. Even if it's clapping his hands, rolling around on the floor or even just smiling. We love this boy and we're oh so lucky to have him with us!

bouncing baby boy

2010-09-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I think it is huge that Lincoln is doing this. We were having a hard time getting him to put any weight on his feet. He's not even always that willing to stand on your lap with assistance if you prod him.

My cousin gave this bouncer to me quite awhile ago. I brought it out from storage and got a little ahead of myself. The occupational therapist said she didn't think he was quite ready for it. About a month later, she thought it was about time. I started to put him in it. He was quite slothful. He was droopy and didn't quite understand the realm of this foreign object he was in. We gently bounced him a few times to show him what fun he could have. ...nada...

Finally, with one of our latest attempts, he caught on! He's been having SO much fun with it.

Not the greatest picture quality, but you get the idea ;)

Lincoln can now clap his hands, play pat-a-cake, shake his head when you say no no, dance if by shaking his head if you sing or if he hears music.

He loves his baby food...inhaling twice a day. He also got his FIRST tooth...it broke through his gums on the 23rd of September!

One of the things we're working on

2010-09-16T08:43:00.001-07:00

.....is Lincoln being able to sit. He is getting stronger and stronger everyday! Things are improving on a continuous basis. Now, if I could only get him to keep his glasses on!! blech!

TwO away from tWeLvE

2010-09-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

Two more months until Lincoln's first birthday. He's ten months old today and growing ever more. It's hard to have a variety of pictures when he can't do much but lay on his back on sit in his bumbo. He is starting to do a little better on his tummy with lifting his head, but we still have a ways to go. He is a bit behind in that department, so we try to make sure to exercise him everyday. It's almost like he's stuck in the stage where they know they want to move around, but can't just yet. We had his nurse over today and she was happy with his improvements. He is now weighing in at 14 pounds 1 ounce. He's up 6 oz's in a 2 week period. His eyes are improving as well, but let me tell you what....It's a capital P.A.I.N to keep his glasses on! I will distract him, but the second he thinks I'm not paying attention he'll try to rip them off. I'm pretty quick at getting them on. Now it's just the leaving them on we need to perfect!

He fell asleep while having a little bit of tummy time! It's a lot of work you know! Nothing like my own little slice of Heaven right on my living room floor! Some good news is that he is sleeping THROUGH the night. Ah, thanks Lincoln, I really appreciate it! Bed time is 8:30pm and he's happy and awake at 7am.

^Bitter picture face^
Shame on me for not getting any pictures of the two of them together, but Lincoln was able to meet his great great aunt Barbara from Florida. She snuggled with him quite a bit. He was even so comfortable with her as to pee all over my sweet aunt!

Ta Da

2010-08-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

I told you there were a lot of changes going on around here. Look at little Linc. Isn't he so handsome? We've called him Dr. Brown before, but now I think he could be called Professor Brown.

Don't look so unsure buddy. Just kill 'em with confidence. Like I've been told a few times, you gotta fake it 'til you make it!

We made a visit to the opthamologist, Dr. Hoffman, up at PCMC on the 6th of August. He gave us some pretty good news. We had been told, at a previous eye appointment with a different doctor, that he had damage to his optic nerve. When Dr. Hoffman did a full exam, he said he saw no damage. He also never mentioned a word of seeing ANY CVI.. This is good news! Our vision therapist has been telling me, the last couple of visits, that she really didn't think he had it either. She said he did show some tendencies, but would be very relunctant to diagnose him with that, there are far too many things he does that would go against it.

However, Dr. Hoffman noticed he is having a hard time with focusing and his eye crossing. He also let us know he's far sided. All of this would conclude he needs glasses. I've had many people ask me, and I wondered myself, how they could tell if a baby needs glasses or not. I'm not going to get too technical here, but from what I understand, they first dilate the eyes. After that, they are able to shine a light into the pupil and depending on how the light reflects back will tell you what their eye sight is. Correct me if I'm wrong...please :) They used a few different gadgets and batta boom batta bing. Lincoln's prescription is +3.25 and from what I hear that's not too shabby.

So, after consulting with a preemie baby momma, I was able to make somewhat of an educated decision on which glasses to get. I'm glad I chose the glasses I did. There was another choice and after explaining the others to the vision therapist, she told me she HATED that kind.

He's supposed to wear these babies full time. HA...I say!! Okay, we'll try our best. He's just too mischevious. He keeps pulling them down and either gets the nose pad thingies in his nose or he pulls them down far enough to suck on them. Good thing they have a one year warranty :)

I tried a bit ago to feed him baby rice cereal, he wasn't so sure about that. I think I need to mess with the consistancy. If he's anything like his father, it's the texture that's getting him! BUT we did try sweet potatoes two days in a row and the verdict is in....

He liked it, it's written AND smeared all over his face!! Full tummy=happy baby

It's okay baby...there's always more where that came from!

Luke was eating his lunch at the same time. He wanted to be extra cautious and make sure he didn't get any food on his shirt.

Why use your hands ??

FYI...I stick by REAL close when he's eating these little pinwheels. And, he DOES use his hands LOL

Reminiscing

2010-08-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

The other morning I was trying to compare my memories of what Lincoln looked like back then and what he is today. It almost seems like a different life-time, a different baby. He has a few set-backs, but for the most part he is doing really well. I can hardly imagine the child who was struggling and clinging to precious life. When we're in these trying, desparate, dark moments we think we may never survive. We don't know how they will ever pass and each moment...smell...sound becomes so deeply etched into our minds. I heard the perfect description before, but don't remember where I heard it from. They said "the pain I felt was as though my heart was literally breaking in half." I felt my chest caving in and I saw and felt so much darkness. Although, through the darkness there was always a ray of light. Things change, that is life, it's ever changing. And although I remember quite a few things vividly, the pain has lessened and we're in an awesome place right now.
I took Scottie to baseball practice tonight. The field they played on was right across the street from the hospital. I sent a text to one of Lincoln's primary nurses to see if she was working. The last time she took care of him was right before he got transfered BACK to PCMC due to his infection from his shunt. He spent the last month of his hospital stay at PCMC. It had been probably six months since she had seen him. She was one of our favorites too!
She was amazed at him. She couldn't stop drooling. When he was in her care, she would tease about taking him home in her purse. Tonight she commented that none of her purses were big enough for him to fit in anymore!

Our sweet respiratory therapist also bumped into us. Ryan teared up when he saw Lincoln. I truly believe these little spirits come to teach us a lesson. Whatever that may be for whomever may need it. It was very rewarding for me, to show those who worked so very hard to keep Lincoln here, the fruits of their labors.

We had SO many warm people who cared for not only Lincoln, but for us as well. That's why it was so easy to call UVRMC our 'home'. I walked into the parents lounge, the smell smacked me in the face like I walked into a brick wall. A flood of feelings, emotions and memories came back. I didn't cry though, I could smile. What a journey!

Really....Nine?

2010-08-12T22:31:00.001-07:00

Ah-hem.....six months adjusted. I often get the statement, "He's nine months old??? He's so TEENY!" Then in my mind I think, "hello...he was a preemie and technically he's only supposed to be six months old!" But then I remember it's only natural to point out the obvious and it's not being said in a negative way. I could tell people he's only six months old, but I have a hard time with that because I know that he's not...!

This was his first time trying rice cereal.....ummm not so sure about this mom!

He's getting so BIG

Some of the funnest times we have with him are when we're all in the car together and the kids make him laugh hysterically.

All of his therapy is coming along well. They are wanting to see more from him, but feel he is still making great progress. The nurse was hoping he would have beefed up a little more. He only weighs 13 pounds 2 ounces which puts him up 8 ounces from her visit three weeks earlier. Also, he is now 26 inches tall. From his physical appearance, she has no concerns about his weight. So, now I have to figure out how to plump him up some more. I guess there isn't any vitamin D milk coming from this Dairy Queen.

Bubbles

2010-08-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh and how he was LOVING them!!

He wasn't too sure at first.

He had to test the waters and really discover something so new and different.

But it didn't take long to figure out how much he really liked them!

Silly Lincoln!!

Thanks Aunt Sarah!

Past and Present

2010-08-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Lincoln is such a little love. I've had SO much joy in watching him grow and blossom!

His itty-bitty feet compared to his cute piggies now!

He was NOT happy when we gave him his first bath at home. The second bath picture he wasn't necessarily smiling, but it sure beats him screaming.

Onesie on the left size 3-6 months. Onesie on the right size preemie

Here's the infamous preemie diaper next to a one dollar bill and his now size 2 diaper

And last but not least, he's comfortable doing our day to day tasks. We find lots of time to play and giggle!

Lots to Show off...

2010-07-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

I have lots to post..But for now...I'll let you stare into these beautiful, deep, soulful eyes!

Doesn't he have a striking resemblance to the Gerber Baby? I think so!

Eight MONTHS

2010-07-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

The days seem to whisk by without hesitation. It leaves me wondering what day it is and then I find myself amazed that the days passed have come and gone. My baby is growing like a weed. He ceases to amaze us all.
They've ramped up his vision & occupational therapy in addition to adding in a physical therapist. Everyone is baffled at his progression. When I went to the second dose of his neonatal follow up clinic, I was greeted with the same reaction from the dietitian, nurse, pediatrician and physical therapist. They each had their concerns and many red flags while reading through his history. After evaluating him, they each anxiously informed me he was nowhere near the condition they would have assumed he'd be in. With that bit of info, it might trigger a question of why would they increase the therapy? They feel that if there could be something that either they're missing or hasn't presented itself, they want to grasp the window of opportunity and minimize anything that possibly could be in his future.
He's still a little behind with a few things, that is to be expected. His back and neck muscles aren't near as strong as they should be. He was in a hospital bed for four months so it comes as no surprise to anyone. In fact, they are indeed very pleased with his capabilities where they stand.
We have our few little exercises to do each day. He really doesn't mind...that meant just that much more time with mommy!

He is:
reaching for and holding his feet
staring at his hands
laughing at his mommy-brothers-sister-and-daddy
rolling onto his tummy on either side
grabbing the dogs hair and holding on for dear life
sleeping from 9:30 pm until 6:30am
wagging his tongue like a dog
singing to hear his own voice
sitting very well in his bumbo
and continuously stealing my heart

He is such a sweet, patient, loving, happy, kissable little angel. He continues to defy the odds. Lincoln was meant to be here. He fought so hard just to get his little body and be with our family here on earth. He is such a strong little guy who is never willing to give up. Hmmmm sounds like he fits right in with the other kids we have :) Without fail, I am always reminded that miracles exist and Lincoln will ALWAYS truly be our miracle. I don't know what we did to deserve such a special little spirit, but I'm sure glad he's ours!

Oh Me Oh My

2010-06-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Yep, another month...come and gone. And we're still keeping him. And no, you can't buy him...he's not for sale! Lincoln's 7 months old .... His adjusted age is 4 months!

We still have our occupational therapist, vision specialist, and nurse coming every month for check ups. The OT say he's doing really well and everything that is expected of him. The nurse feels the same way. In fact, the last time she came he had gained 10 ounces in less than two weeks and she was SUPER excited about that. The vision specialist feels Lincoln is on track as well. But when we went to the neonatal follow up clinic, the opthamolgist observed that Lincoln definetely had an injury from either the brain bleed, hydrocephalus, infection from the shunt, or the actual pressure. He diagnosed him with Cortical Visual Impairment. Now, how severe is it? We don't know yet. We do know he can see though. The opthamolgist said just the fact that he makes eye contact and tracks things is HUGE. He diagnosed him with having 20/200 vision or worse, which is considered being legally blind. I think we'll know and see the bigger picture when Lincoln can communicate with us what he is seeing. So for now, we'll just keep hoping for the best and trying to teach him the best ways possible to learn to see!

Can't wait to see him running around in these one day!

Bless This Child

2010-05-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

We were SO super happy to finally be able to bless Lincoln....
He is such an amazing little boy!
He was PERFECT through out the whole thing. My lovely husband does such an amazing job at speaking. He is so eloquent in his choice of words and never shows any signs of stage fright. He definitely lets the Spirit speak through him.

After Sacrament, we had a little get together with all of our family and friends. Everyone visited and filled their tummies to their hearts content. To all those who came: I know it gets a bit squishy when we're all together at my house, but I woudn't have it any other way. We're so glad to see all of your support for our family, it makes my heart happy!

A Few Firsts

2010-05-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

My aunt paid for my airline ticket to photograph my cousins wedding on the 15th of May in Virginia. So, that meant me and little Linc had our first little vacation together. This was a trip of many firsts for him. He laughed for the first time as I tickled him under his chin on the 13th.

The day I was flying back home, we took a little tour of D.C. His first time, my second.

He met a guy with a really cool name....

Unfortunately I had the wrong settings on my camera and the battery died right after the picture was snapped (we're totally out of focus). And coincidentally Lincoln and I were in red, white and blue.

My mom definitely made the trip, she couldn't miss the wedding of her baby sister's child.

She was excited to make the rounds and see the sights. Oh, the one with the goofy face on the right is my cousin Shyanna, the brides little sister.

And on his first plane ride, Lincoln was EXCELLENT both there and back. When we pulled into DC and stood up, a few people commented how they never even knew there was a baby right behind them. He slept most of the way and enjoyed being snuggled a bunch.

We had a very enjoyable trip.

BUT...we were glad to be able to say "Home Sweet Home."

Can't Get Enough!

2010-05-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

We had the NICU Preemie Reunion this last Saturday. One of the things they asked of us was to bring a current picture of our preemie. So, you can bet I got the camera out and started snapping away.

I keep hearing this song on the radio. Never once did I hear it while he was in the hospital, but I feel it describes how I felt to a "T"

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls:
And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

He was making so many funny faces it was cracking me up! I think he's getting used to a big camera in his face all of the time now. He definitely puts on a show :)

Alright Mom, gettin' a little tired here....this is hard work, you know!

And where are the pictures from the reunion you ask? Oh why, there's a simple answer to that... I had my camera in tow, but as I went to take pictures, I found out I had no memory card! My camera has no internal memory (or at least I haven't figured out how to make it work yet) and so no pictures!

It was fun seeing familiar faces and meeting new ones as well. The kids had a lot of fun. I tell you what, they sure know how to put on a party! There were hot dogs, cotton candy, sno cones, popcorn, brownies, donuts, games, face painting, bounce-houses, and the life-flight chopper.

Lincoln turned 6 months old!

2010-05-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

Mr. Lincoln turned six months old! There's been a lot of change around here.

He LOVES his hands and fingers...so a whole lot of this...

He smiles a lot too...so, much of this...

Lots of sleeping...

Not much crying...

And LOTS of GROWING!...

Not to be excluded: endless loves, snuggles, hugs and kisses!

Lincoln is now 10 pounds 2 ounces. He is rolling to his side, pushing himself backwards with his feet, cooing, and smiling. He loves to be tickled and he L.O.V.E.S his family!

Five months old!!

2010-04-14T19:00:00.001-07:00

I.N.S.A.N.E. to think that we have had Lincoln with us here on earth for almost half a year now!

This was my view as we were leaving the hospital that day. The hospital was behind us and that's where we were ready for it to be and stay!

....and this was my new perspective....

the road that was ahead

and this was my new outlook on life...

Bright, shiny, beautiful, & happy

And it's real, no more pinching, no more looking over my shoulder to see if someone's here to take him back!

He had his two month well-child check up. So, for his actual age, five months, he is way below off the charts. Are ya sure? ;) With his adjusted age, he is in the one to fifth percentile. No surprises. He's a preemie!

Our doctor shakes his head in disbelief everytime we visit him. He frequently reminds us of the miracle Lincoln is!

For his adjusted age, two months, mainly what he's expected to being doing at this point is making eye contact with us and smiling. He's doing just that!

Scottie was at school when we were doing our photoshoot, so unfortunately he didn't make it in this photograph!

Birth Announcement

2010-04-08T19:06:00.001-07:00

Introducing our little bundle of joy....

I just couldn't decide on one for the back :)

ARGH!! Just BARELY, yes...after already sending them out, noticed I got the homecoming date wrong! Should be March 8, 2010!

All Smiles Today

2010-04-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

A Picture is worth a thousand words....

Not so sure about Tummy Time!

Found some old memories

2010-04-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

I was looking through one of Lincoln's albums with saved photos and came across these:

This was one of the first pictures we took of Lincoln. I posted a similar photo back a ways in his blog. I love this one because you can truly see how small he was.

These two pictures (above and below) were taken not long after he was transferred up to Primary Children's the first time. Teeny hand.

We have this water baby at home that the kids had out and were playing with a lot. I decided to measure it and found that it was the same length as Lincoln. This baby was MUCH chunkier than our Lincoln though. I took it to the NICU and took a picture so the kids could have something a little more tangible to compare to him.

These last two pictures were taken on the day we brought Lincoln home. I gave him just one more bottle to fill up his little tummy!

Lincoln's First Easter

2010-04-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

Lincoln's first Easter was pretty layed back! Unfortunately, he didn't get to participate in any Easter egg hunts... BUT... he did {love} his new little bear the bunny brought him.

Can't wait for him to grow older and teach him the TRUE meaning of Easter! When his big sister, Savana, was asked why we celebrate Easter, her reply was: "candy." I guess there's some big lessons to be learned!

2010-04-06T17:25:00.000-07:00

So, how is it exactly having Lincoln home? A lot of people have asked and each time my response is something like..."We're happy, Life's wonderful, Everything is just perfect!"...which is ALL very true.
For a little more in depth detail:
Lincoln sleeps with mommy and daddy. Yes, I know, I said not another child of mine would sleep in my bed. He just sleeps SO much better with us. He will wake up two to three times. Luckily he does really well with breast-feeding and so we take advantage of that at night time. The doc's really want to make sure he still gets the extra nutrition that he needs. That is why we can't fully eliminate bottle feeding. I'm okay with that. We'll do what we need to do and in due time we'll work with what is at hand!
He takes multiple naps through out the day still. He really enjoys his swing and bouncy chair! When he wakes up he wants to eat RIGHT away! He has a few times through out the day that he stays awake for at least an hour or so. He loves to look around and take in all the new things to see and hear. Morning time is his favorite! Pretty much every morning, he'll lay on the bed and just grin and grin. He can get super wiggly in response to his happiness.

Grandma and Grandpa Brown

The first bath I gave to Lincoln, he was NOT so happy about. Now, he thoroughly enjoys bath time! Though, he's not so sure about afterwards when he's cold. I routinely put baby lotion on him and he loves his palms rubbed.

He is a very popular boy!! We have an occupational therapist come to our house twice a month and a nurse once a month. Lincoln has been to multiple routine doctor's appointments, with Dr. Berry, since being home. Everyone in the office loves to see him. This next week is going to be C.R.A.Z.Y. I have a different appointment for him Monday through Thursday.
I still can't believe he's home. Everyday I hold him and just shake my head in disbelief. I'm wondering when they will come in and whisk him right back to the hospital. This boy is SO SUPER kissable! I've had a bit of a sore throat the last couple of days, so I've had to try to contain myself. Let me tell ya... it's not easy!!
We love having Lincoln home and are so glad to be on with our new journey in life!

Just a few...

2010-03-30T22:36:00.001-07:00

......of Lincoln's newborn pictures!
Since I'll be sending out birth announcements, I don't want to spoil the fun.

In the meantime, these are a few that didn't get on the announcement, but

I still {loved}.

There were actually quite a few that I liked and so the announcement got flooded

with pictures!

Here I am

2010-03-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

How time flies when you're having fun!! I can't believe it's almost been two weeks since we brought our little Linc home! I CAN NOT put into words the pure and utter joy it is to have him out of the hospital and home with his family where he belongs. We've had a few busy weeks with dr's visits, in-home occupational therapy appointments and doing ABSOLUTELY nothing. The first visit was with our Dr. Berry. The first time he met Lincoln was when he delivered him. He hadn't seen him since. So, we took him in and got them reacquainted. He just wanted to get squared away on his current condition. Then the following appointment, he gave him the gift of circumcision (poor guy!).

We met with the team, nurse and occupational therapist, who will be coming into our home a couple of times a month to keep tabs on his weight and developmental progress. The second visit we had a surprise visit from Annie, his OT while he was at UVMRC. We LOVE her!! Too bad she's not his permanent OT!! I have to throw this little story in just because it's classic!!!.... As we were waiting for their arrival, this last Thursday, I was tidying up the living room. Luke had had a bit of a runny nose. With five minutes to spare, I turned around to find that he had left a snot trail all across the couch. Uh ya...that's what I said, a snot trail, much like that of a snail who creeps along his way. I caught a glimpse of him in action on the last one. He had been bobbing his head down on the couch, then would take a step over to stamp the next clean portion of his canvas. I had to get a wet towel and scrub down the couch. That little trick left the couch wet, which in turn, left me no choice but to admit to our guests what had just happened. I pulled out a couple of chairs from my dining room for them to sit on. Children....GOTTA love 'em.

Lincoln is such a little joy. They acted pretty worried in the hospital about how his long term eating habbits would be. Let's just say, there need be no worry! He LOVES to eat. I've heard it a million times, but they say the babies just tend to eat better once they come home. It's true...it's just true! They're with the ones they love getting constant - consitant care and that makes them flourish. I am SO glad to say that the hospital is in the rear view mirror. I knew it would feel good, but I had NO idea how good that good would be! I seriously just want to stand on top of a mountain and scream my joys!! I'm also just i.t.c.h.i.n.g to get out, go on a vacation and just explore! I feel as though I have just received the gift of sight after being blinded and just want to go out and take as much of it all in as possible. Honestly, this feeling is so undescribable and maybe but only a few can relate to. GIVE...that is the other thing I'm deeply desiring. There were SO many that gave to us and I just want to show them my gratitude. (Hey...if anyone has any unique ideas on thank you gifts, please fill me in). For now, I'm working on his birth announcement...so exciting :)!

So here we lay on my bed, Lincoln and I, as I jot down our history and he kicks and coos.

LIFE IS GOOD

Four Months

2010-03-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Lincoln being four months old by....doing absolutely nothing BUT cuddling at HOME! It was wonderful. No rush to take Luke to the sitters. No need to lug my pump and pump kit around. No anxious feelings as we pull into the parking lot at the hospital. No need to make sure to get in a few hours of visit before being kicked out.

He was able to sleep in his OWN bed. Not sure that he quite likes it though. Everytime we put him in, he wakes up minutes later wiggling and protesting. I'm trying to figure out if it's the bed, or if he's too smart for his own good and KNOWS mommy and daddy will hold him. Our first night was long. He acts much like any other newborn and wakes multiple times in the night. I think it's a bit of us trying to get to know each other a little better too.

Scottie is so anxious to be able to hold him any chance he gets. Luke and Savana will be keeping a bit of distance since they have a little cough. I'm assuming that's why Savana is giving a bit of a 'tude in this photo.

I think it's fair to say.....he didn't really like his bath. From the beginning, while undressing him, he let me know he wasn't into it. We made it quick. You just can't resist a freshly bathed baby!

It's been a perfect day!

Surprise!!!

2010-03-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, this was all so.....sudden! When I called in on Sunday, they informed me he was doing REALLY well and if he had another good day and night they would consider sending him home on Monday. Well, it happened! He's here. None of us can really believe it. It's so surreal. Our children are ecstatic. Scottie wants to hold him non-stop and Savana is excited to tell everyone she knows the good news. Luke keeps reminding us how he wants to call him Bubba. As for Scott and I, we couldn't be any happier. Our hearts are so full! We wanted to make sure we thanked everyone and so here the list goes in no particular order (and if we've forgotten anyone, we sincerely apologize):

Mom and Dad Skeem
Mom and Dad Brown
Amanda
Kellie and Ashley
Conan and Sarah
Shawn and Chelsea
Kevin
Amber
Michelle Lundberg
Mark and Kim Peterson
Jon and Danielle
Reny and Michelle Hew-Len
Megan Bradshaw
Bishop Moss
Carrie Moss
Jenn Messick
Lisa Lara
Rachel Weidman
Janae Jackson
MULTIPLE members of our Slate canyon 15th ward
Jessica Hayward
Dr. Steve Minton
Dr. Cheattam
Dr. Charlene
Dr. Riva-Cambrin
Occupational Therapist Annie
NICU nurse Sarah
NICU nurse Heather
NICU nurse Linda (A.K.A. NICU photographer)
NICU nurse Ashley
NICU nurse Jenn
NICU nurse Emily
NICU nurse Margaret
NICU nurse Brent
NICU nurse John

All of our friends, and even those who did not know us, who constantly kept us in their prayers

Last but certainly not least.....Our beautiful children who sacrificed SO much during this time Scottie, Savana and Luke!

And of course there's no way we could forget to thank our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ!

Another surgery down

2010-03-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

Well, hopefully this will be the last one for a long time, if any! Lincoln was scheduled to go in yesterday morning at 8am to have a new shunt placed. When we got there, his potassium levels were off so they wouldn't continue on with the surgery until they could get them regulated. Just our luck! Basically, they would give him a bunch of fluids over the course of three hours, along with another solution(not sure of the name) and he would have to urinate the extra potassium out. If they couldn't get the potassium down that day, we would have to re-schedule surgery for Monday. I was a little nervous you could say. By 11am they were ready to re-test and lucky for us, the potassium was down lower. At about 1:15 they took Lincoln in for surgery. He did really well. When we went into see him, he was wide awake. He was still on the ventilator, but they were trying to wean him off of it. He was NOT happy! He was wiggling and would not hold still. He was trying to figure out how to get the ventilator tube out of his mouth. After they finally decided to take him off the vent, he was extremely content. The neuro-surgeon said he was very happy with the outcome of the surgery. He was very anxious to get Lincoln home. He questioned the reasoning for him having to stay. We informed him Lincoln was only taking 50% of his feeds orally when he needed to be taking the entire 100%. He was trying to storm up some ideas to bribe the NICU to get Lincoln home. We let him know we fully encouraged his idea! Hopefully this week we can get pretty serious about making things happen. When all said and done, it's up to Lincoln. Somehow, I'm going to arrange to be with him as much as possible through out the week to help him master this. I know he can do it. Hopefully with the shunt in place, he will be feeling better and more up to eating what's expected of him. I *HOPE* we're in the home-stretch. This is were my faith comes in again!

{Got Milk?}

2010-02-25T12:23:00.000-08:00

This big guy has been my constant companion for about three months now. He follows me just about every where I go. VERY loyal :) This is not something I've had to do before, so it was unchartered territory for me. I do have to say that:

Lots of work + baby in NICU + dedication =

lots of milk for my baby boy

This a 6' tall x 3' wide freezer FULL of milk

ps.....this doesn't include the milk he's already been drinking or the milk in my in-laws freezer. The supply will diminsh before we know it I'm sure.

Our Little Angel Boy

2010-02-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

.Waiting.

That's all we're mainly doing now.

He has to have f.o.u.r.t.e.e.n STRAIGHT days

of negative results when looking for bacteria from the infection.

When we have just that, he can have the shunt put back in.

Until then, we are still ......

.Waiting.

Have a little Faith...or A LOT

2010-02-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

It's been a week now since Lincoln was transferred up to Primary's. The days have gone by rather quickly. He has made some big changes. Lincoln was taken off the ventilator on Monday. They put him on the nasal cannula and was taken off of that after one day. It's a little ironic that at the beginning of all of our problems with Lincoln in pregnancy, our main concern was his lungs. Now, that has been something that has proved to us there need be no concern!! He is doing pretty well for the most part. He is seven pounds three ounces. He wakes up STARVING (and that's an understatement). He is being fed 30 mls by a bottle every feeding every 3 hours, which is a huge step. Clinically and physically he is showing all the signs of improvement and that his body is fighting off this infection. The labs, on the otherhand, are not one hundred percent convinced that this is the case. There are a few odd-findings and indication that the infection is lingering on. They upped his antibiotics and added an additional one. I am a STRESS case (and that ALSO is an understatement). He's still acting quite irritable, but I attribute that to two different things: 1)the second antibiotic they started is known for being irritable to the veins 2)he has the external drain for his hydrocephalus which means he probably has a HUGE headache.

I break down every now and then. I just want Lincoln to be content...how things were before the infection. He was doing so well!! I'm exhausted, we're all exhausted. Like I've said before, I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare. I hid myself under the covers on my bed this morning after speaking with his nurse. She said nothing too bad, just that they're still not sure the infection is gone. As I lay there feeling sick to my stomach, I received a knock at the door. I have a sign on my door that says 'No Soliciting' and could see it was a couple of ladies. I decided to answer it thinking it could be a couple of my neighbors. Nope, it was the Jehovah's Witness'. I've often found myself trying to place myself in a non-mormon's shoes when they come to the door. I think to myself how would a 'mormon missionary like to be treated as he/she tried to share a message.' I always give them my time. The message they shared was about making time in our day to read the bible. I thought this was definitely a message custom-made right for me. They asked why most of us don't get to reading the bible in our daily lives. My response was 'Life just gets in the way. We get busy with day to day tasks.' They agreed. They left and I found myself picking up my scriptures. I read a few different chapters in the bible then I randomly flipped to Doctrine and Covenants chapter 35 verses 8 through 12 in the Book of Mormon and this is what I found:

"8 For I am God, and mine arm is not shortened; and I will show miracles, signs, and wonders unto all those who believe on my name.
9 And whoso shall ask it in my name in faith, they shall cast out devils; they shall heal the sick; they shall cause the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak, and the lame to walk.
10 And the time speedily cometh that great things are to be shown forth unto the children of men;
11 But without faith shall not anything be shown forth except desolations upon Babylon, the same which has made all nations drink of the wine of wrath of her fornication.
12 And there are none that doeth good except those who are ready to receive the fulness of my gospel which I have sent forth unto this generation."
My goodness is this speaking to me!! Once again, pleading for me to strengthen my faith in Him. How ever-present is our Heavenly Father in our lives if we just seek Him! I am so grateful to have all of this knowledge at the grasps of my finger tips daily! If I just have faith He will answer my prayers! The very least I can receive from any of this .... is peace. He may not answer our prayers in the order or timely fashion or the way we want Him to, but He is listening, He is there and He will fill our lives with comfort and peace.

And for now, this is what helps to keep me sane:

Needed a good laugh

2010-02-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

Alrighty then....!!
Our nurse from the other night told us about this video on Youtube. If you understand this NICU lingo at all, you'll get a pretty good laugh out of it. We all know I definitely needed to smile!

more progress

2010-02-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Lincoln is coming along. The swelling is pretty much completely gone. They took him off of the ventilator after feeling it was hindering more than helping him. He did so well that by 7pm they took off the nasal cannula and he was completely on room air. He has had a few issues with not digesting all of his feeds so they're moving slowly with that. His full feeds were up to 50 ml's before the infection/surgery. Now they're at 17 ml's. Scott and I went in for our visit last night and he was very anxious. He was sucking on a binky VERY eagerly. His heart-rate was a bit high too. When we got in there, we held his hands and sang him some songs. He settled right down and his heart-rate lowered also. He may either be in a bit of pain from the infection still....or I'm thinking he is STARVING.
I guess if I had to think about it and say there was anything good that came from this infection it would have to be that he has his own room. They put him in isolation because the staph infection is highly contagious. It's definitely a lot quieter in our own little room though. When we enter his room we have to put on a robe and gloves.
I get a little frustrated at times. I know that it wasn't intentional that he got the infection, but if he wasn't in the hospital...chances are he wouldn't have contracted it. There are some big repercussion that come from this infection and the antibiotic used to treat it. There is possible hearing loss, neurological issues, and other side effects. I haven't held him since Thursday morning right before transport. That was a short but sweet time for us. But for now we'll try to concentrate on the positive. We'll try to focus on what we're dealing with now. I must admit, it's a little difficult at times. Right now my biggest concern is that he is so uncomfortable and I'm an hour away. It makes me sad to think how agitated he is and there's only a small window of time through out the day to feel like I'm making him feel at ease. I thought this NICU roller coaster ride was pretty much over..... I want off! Of course, I want Lincoln to not have to be on the ride anymore either.
So, it's up to me to now cast away my fears, pain, anguish, worries and on and on and on. I'll cry to Jesus, sing to Jesus....Fall on Jesus and live! Afterall, faith is the big key here.

Calling on more PRAYERS

2010-02-13T21:42:00.000-08:00

So, our little guys bad night turned into a living nightmare. After recognizing that Lincoln clearly was in pain, the doctor ordered some labs. Everything came back fine. He would continue another set of labs six hours later. The second set of tests were just the beginning of our world turning upside down......again. We were getting SO close to Lincoln coming home!! I received a call from the doctor Thursday morning informing me that the labs confirmed he had a very serious infection. Just to give you an idea of how it took a turn for the worst, his first set of labs showed he had approximately 17,000 white blood cells. By the second round of labs that number had diminished to 3,000. White blood cells are essential for fighting off illnesses. So, at this point the illness was winning. The doctor let me know that they weren't concerned for his life, but that it was a very serious infection and he was very sick. Scott decided to head over to the hospital with his little brother first thing in the morning to give Lincoln a priesthood blessing. When he got there, Lincoln had already started to swell a bit and was red on the right side of his body from head to tummy. I went to the hospital a short time after and noticed he had swollen a great amount. They had been giving him pain killers all through the night to dull the pain. They were thinking it could have been a shunt infection, but weren't certain and were still trying to figure it out. Some more labs came back indicating it was leaning more towards being a shunt infection. They decided right away to have Lincoln transported up to Primary Children's so they could follow the infection more closely and possibly operate. In the meantime, they had started antibiotics to hold whatever he was fighting at bay.The neurosurgeon looked at Lincoln and decided they would most likely operate friday morning. Scott and I arrived at 7:45 am to only find out that we had barely missed the surgeons. They decided he wouldn't need to be the first for surgery and would be third person in line. We were quite disappointed. The swelling had increased even more so and I was getting extremely frustrated. We knew the shunt was part of the cause of the infection and knew it needed to be taken out. I knew I couldn't judge the other cases without knowing what they were, but Lincoln definitely seemed like an emergent case to me. We stuck around to visit with him for awhile then, at 9am, decided to go to the cafeteria for breakfast. As we were getting in the elevator we heard a page for someone with the last name of Brown, but didn't hear the first name. We continued up to the NICU. We ran into our surgeon in the hall and he informed us that Lincoln was being prepared to be taken into surgery right away. He said when he came up to examine him, he decided that this could no longer wait and the others receiving surgery would have to be pushed back. We were VERY happy to hear this. I forgot to add, Lincoln was put back on the ventilator for his ride back up to PCMC. They thought it would be a good idea to do it then since he was being a bit apnic and would have to have it for surgery anyway. The surgery in itself didn't take very long. The surgeon reported back to us that the surgery was a success and they got the shunt completely out. They described to us what we had suspected...there was major infection. Under the shunt itself it was pretty clean, BUT when they pulled the tubing out it had green mucous all over it! That can not be good!! For two weeks he has to be on antibiotics to make sure the infection is clear before they can put another permanent shunt back in. We were hoping they would be able to take him off the vent not long after surgery. Well, that didn't happen. With him being so sick, he may be on the ventilator longer than anticipated. How long will it be?? We don't really know, it will depend on Lincoln and his desire to breath. It will also depend on his health. He has been having great bowel sounds, so they decided to start some feedings. Poor guy only gets 5 ml's of milk every 3 hours for now. Hopefully that will be increased soon.
Today was another hard day for us. I called in this morning to check on him. The nurse informed me they found out what his infection is. The infection is MRSA (HA-staph infection). This is a VERY serious infection. Luckily they caught it and started antibiotics right away. We're not necessarily out of the woods yet, but he has shown response to the medication. His swelling has started going down and his breathing has gotten a little better. He must be on the antibiotics for 21 days. This means until they get multiple clean labs, Lincoln can't get the surgery for his shunt, which puts off his homecoming.
I got extremely worked up on the way to the hospital this morning. I let my thoughts consume me and could only think of the worst....that this could turn fatal. On the 27th of this month, Colten will have been gone for a year. I couldn't imagine loosing two babies in the span of one year. Scott and I were talking in the truck. We agreed that both of our hearts were in our stomachs. There were a few moments of silence between us. I had an overwhelming feeling of calm come over me. I felt so extremely relieved and was even able to smile a little. I then decided to share this little piece of news with Scott. His response took me by surprise. He said that he felt the exact same way at that exact same time. This was such a touching moment for both of us.
Our visit with Lincoln was wonderful. He actually opened his eyes and made eye contact with me a few times. I knew my baby was in there somewhere, just very confused and sleepy. I shed a few tears for him just trying to imagine all he has gone through. A friend brought up something very profound. She made me see that it was no small coincidence that Lincoln was brought into our lives and family. Our Heavenly Father knows all and has a plan for all of us. It is true He will give us no more than we can handle. I KNOW Lincoln will pull out of this and will come home soon.
Thank you for all of your love, support and prayers!! We are truly blessed in many MANY ways!

He had a bad night...

2010-02-11T07:24:00.000-08:00

We're not sure exactly what is going. When I went in for my visit yesterday afternoon Lincoln was very sleepy. Two of the times the nurse had taken his temp it was up a little bit, but not too concerning. By the time I got there it had regulated again. Now, mine and Scott's visit last night was a whole different story. It kind of started out the same....he was a bit sleepy. But right away when I tried to feed him, we noticed he wasn't himself. He would cry out, but then I would quickly be able to calm him. He had a little bit of a rough time trying to relax and just eat. When we picked him up to put him on the scale he Freaked out. After that, he couldn't stay calm. They ran a bunch of tests and everything came back negative. He would wake out of a dead sleep and cry out like he was in pain. We knew something wasn't right. We called through out the night to check on him and found that he had calmed a little compared to when we were there, but he was still uneasy. They ran some more tests and got back the results this morning. He has a major infection, they're thinking it's in his abdominal area. The doctor said he didn't want to scare us, but it's a pretty serious infection. They're not concerned for his life at this point, but he could have the potential of being put back on the ventilator and becoming very very sick. They are putting him on antibiotics right away and they'll be doing a spinal tap. His white blood count is extremely low which means he's really trying to fight it off, but can't. Scott and his brother are on their way to the hospital to give him a priesthood blessing. Please pray for my little angel to get through this.

Lincoln is Three Months Old!!

2010-02-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

Lincoln turned three months old today! I can't even believe how the time has gone by. When we were in our first few days, February felt like a couple of years ahead of us not a couple of months. Now that we're here....we can hardly believe it.

I took the kids to Build-A-Bear Workshop to choose a bear for Lincoln. How fitting that they chose this little bear with stitching and a heart on his chest! We also decided it would be somewhat of a tribute to get matching 'scrubs' for him and his bear, to all those who have taken such great care of him since his grand entrance into the world.

Our NICU photographer had to take another great picture of him with Flat Stanley. The second we saw Lincoln's doctor hat, we thought of Ryan right away. He was one of the great respiratory therapists that helped our little guy with his superman lungs!

Ninety One

2010-02-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

Luke and Lincoln could be twins as babies!!

It's been ninety one days since we were first intimately introduced to the NICU. At times the beginning feels like a distant dream. Like we couldn't have possibly lived through those first couple of days/weeks. The excrutiating ups and downs seemed so unbearable, but somehow we got through them. We still have a few bumps here and there, but they're in no way comparable to the mountains in the beginning.

At night, I often find myself pleading to Heavenly Father for my baby boy even after I've layed my head on my pillow and closed my eyes. I've always made it a point to recognize my blessings and show my gratitude, but in the last couple of months I have been much more aware and much more sincere.

The one big thing that lingers in my mind is......how will I ever re-pay all of those who have helped us through this trial??? I am so humbled to think of all of the selflessness on our behalf. The meals, concern, hours of babysitting, encouragement, medical care, advice, prayers....so many acts of kindness.

To give you a little insight on exactly how miraculous it was to get Lincoln back to UVRMC- My insurance denied the request to have him back-transported. Without them paying for it, that meant we were stuck up at Primary's until he was discharged for good. After hearing wind of this, the doctor's, a few nurses, and the care manager in the NICU at UVRMC, were trying to figure out how to make it work. We got a call the morning after the request was denied to tell us he was now being transferred. After Lincoln's arrival to UVRMC, Scott and I went in to visit him. We ran into the main doctor in the NICU in the hall, Dr. Steve Minton. He greeted us with a smile and a hug then informed us Lincoln made it "back home." He said "you know, the insurance wouldn't pay, so we're covering the fee for the back-transport." We were in awe. I responded "Oh my goodness..we are so grateful and forever indebted to you." Dr. Minton just smiled and replied "I know." Can you BELIEVE that?? He is very family oriented and that emulates within his whole staff. They saw the importance of us being five minutes away rather than sixty. Not only was the round trip drive two plus hours, but the whole ordeal would be at least five hours a day.

So, many of you may be wondering what Lincoln acts like. Afterall, he is three months old. Well, he is actually just like a newborn still. Yes, he was born three months ago, but he has spent these last three months growing, fighting off major issues, and developing as a fetus would be...just outside of the womb. So, his "adjusted" age would be calculated from his due date. That would make him six days old. It will always be somewhat confusing.

Lincoln has drastically changed our lives. I call him my Little Bear. He loves to growl and it reminds me of a cute baby bear trying to communicate with his own foreign language. He continues to get better and better everyday. His blood pressure has been high since his return from Primary's. They're not quite sure what the cause is, that's something they're still working on. He is also still on room air, no nasal cannula, and is doing extremely well. No longer are our eyes glued to the monitors watching his heart-rate, respiratory rate, and oxygen saturation for any slight change. We're still working on eating. He shows all the healthy cues and will even breast/bottle feed for awhile.

Home is calling us. Home is where our heart is and where we want Lincoln to be. It's only a matter of time. His room is almost already. The bassinet is empty, waiting by the side of my bed. .....His family is ready and waiting.

...it happened...

2010-02-02T11:06:00.001-08:00

The clouds parted, the HEAVENS opened, and we got the approval for the 2ND time, for Lincoln to be transferred back down to our hospital!! I can't believe this is really happening. After speaking with my insurance company MANY times I was under the impression it would be covered. On my last phone call to them they informed me it actually wouldn't be approved. I was super upset, but knew that it was what it was and I had to deal with it. I cried, then I got over it. Just when I had begun to adjust to the thoughts of what my new "hospital life" would be like, I got spun in a different direction again and found out the transfer WOULD be able to happen!

Good news on a good day :) Today is Lincoln's due date. Does it make me sad? No, but if I were in the same frame of mind when he was first born it would make me super sad. I am a little disappointed that Lincoln hasn't made it home by his due date, but as a friend once told me "This is Lincoln's story and it's going to be a beautiful one." [yes M, you said it....HUGE impact on me:)]. He's his own person and he will make it happen in his own time. Lincoln had a ROUGH start and TWO surgeries. When we had been working on breastfeeding for a week, I was starting to get a little frustrated that there wasn't a ton of progress. When he was wide awake he was definitely interested and actually did pretty well. But it didn't take very long until he was asleep again. I had a talk with one of the nurse practitioners and mentioned maybe there was more things we could be doing to make him be more awake, this was when he was around 36 weeks gestation. She kindly reminded me that "maybe we should cut Lincoln a little slack. He technically wasn't supposed to be born for another 4 weeks or so and he was a very sick little boy at birth. Also, with his condition with his head, he probably didn't feel very well and didn't feel like eating." I quickly came back down to earth and realized all of that was very true. With Hydrocephalus, there is a lot of pressure on your head because of the extra fluid. In turn, that would definitely make anyone not want to eat:headaches, nauseau and sleepiness??? Ummmm ya...I wouldn't want to do ANYTHING but sleep!

So, here we are today....waiting for Lincoln to be transported back by us. He is off of the nasal cannula and doing well with that! The most important step to be accomplished in order for him to come home is upon us. He has to take his feeds 100% orally. No more feeding tube for my boy! We can do this....we're so close I can taste it!!!

Settled In

2010-01-31T21:44:00.000-08:00

Lincoln's surgery is accomplished. It's quite amazing what technology can do. The first surgery he had was to place the reservoir which was a temporary fix to his problem. They were trying to give his body time to hopefully heal on its own. Sometimes it happens, most of the time it doesn't. They removed the reservoir on his left side and placed the shunt on his right.

Reservoir

Shunt

We were able to speak with the neurosurgeons first-hand and found out that as long as there is no mal-function or infection there would only have to be one surgery to replace it. He could grow to be 6 feet 6 inches and it would function with his size. We also found out that about 50% of shunts fail within the first year. BOO...I hope we're the 50% with it being successful.

The neurosurgeons signed off on him to either be discharged or transported back to Utah Valley. Since he's not ready to be discharged quite yet, we are waiting on info from insurance to find out if he's going to be able to go back to our local hospital or not. HOPEFULLY they will allow it. It could take him a good two weeks or so to bounce back from the surgery and get eating down. I think he's feeling pretty well for the most part though.

He got in some good cuddle time with Grandma Skeem this weekend

And he got all settled in his new crib

Big boys cry!

2010-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

The video should be working now...

Sounds mean, but we LOVED to hear him cry. Didn't love that he was in pain though. To us that means he is getting bigger and doingthings babies do. This video was taken right after his surgery. He wasn't very happy. I'm thinking his head was hurting a little bit, but they got him some pain medication right away.

Teddy & Me

2010-01-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

We were given a suggestion to take the kids to the store and pick out a toy for Lincoln. We found a little teddy bear and thought he would LOVE it.

....I'm thinking he really liked it!

Poor little guy.....he finally was scheduled to be transported back up to Primary's for his surgery. It's final, he needs the shunt. I wish it weren't so, but if it means relief and a resolution to his problem, I'm fine with it. He'll travel up there on Wednesday and have the surgery Thursday. The reason they determined he needed it was because his ventricles aren't decreasing in size. He's producing the fluid like he needs to, but the fluid isn't draining normally like it is with you or me.
We're not quite sure how the whole discharge process is going to work. I'm hoping he will only have to stay up there for a few days and then can come back to our hospital and work on feedings. Once we have the feedings down......home sweet home for Lincoln.... *hopefully*

Big Boy

2010-01-21T10:11:00.001-08:00

New steps, every day. We've been working with the occupational therapist lately. She is very pleased with all that she observes with him. She's been showing me a few techniques on how to help him strengthen all the senses within his feet and hands. Also, she's shown me how to give him a few massages.

I'm thinking the face he pulled in the picture above is in protest of me putting him back in his crib.

Yep, that's what I said.....his crib. He got put in a new bed this week. It's kinda got a prison feel to me. And to make it more realistic, we put him in stripes. Nah, it just worked out that way. Wishing you could see his little onesie. I bought him some "newborn size" onesies. They fit him great!! They're meant for newborns anywhere from 5 to 8 pounds. He is five lbs ten ozs...yay!!

knock on wood, I don't want to curse myself, but I think he is starting to catch on to the whole breast-feeding thing! Annie, our O.T., says she likes the progress he's making and all of his effort. Hopefully it will be a matter of days until he's perfected it! I'm hoping all of our work isn't in vain. They're saying it's looking more and more like he'll need the shunt. Since he has hit the 2500 gram mark it could be a matter of days they decide to schedule him for surgery and send him back up to Primary's..... :( Whatever the final verdict is, I just want him to be happy, comfortable and safe. We'll make sure to update when we know more.

Flat Stanley

2010-01-18T20:51:00.001-08:00

Our sweet NICU photographer took another picture of Lincoln next to Flat Stanley. She thought it would be nice to have the two to compare and really see the growth. Let me just tell you......amazing! I remember back when Scott and I would ask each other 'Do you think he will ever get bigger?' Well, here's living proof that he once was small, but things are on the up and up! He now weighs 5 lbs 7 ozs

BEFORE

AFTER

Side by side

Truly....what a little miracle he is! We're still working on breast-feeding and hoping for success with that. As for now, the lactation specialist says he basically just uses me as a pacifier. She also mentioned that most likely one day it will just click. Hopefully sooner than later!

Linc Boy

2010-01-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

I'm brain-dead....I can't really remember if I've mentioned it before, but if I go days without posting it's because I have a hard time doing a new post without pictures. Sure, I always have my camera in my bag when I visit the hospital. Sure, I have billions of pictures on my memory card, BUT for some reason the picture has to be just p.e.r.f.e.c.t for me to include it on my blog....dumb I know! Perfect as in just right to me not as in technically, compositionally, color and edit wise perfect.

So.......what's new with Lincoln? Well, he continues to be changed from up and down on the liters for his nasal cannula. He was sitting comfortably at .50 liters when they decided to push him a little more and let him try .25 liters. That was NOT okay with him. He became tachypneic: an excessively rapid respiration ~ A respiratory neurosis marked by quick, shallow breathing. When this happens they feel like he works a little too hard and doesn't get the proper amount of oxygen he needs. As a result, they bumped him back up to .50 liters. The doctors are saying that really no matter what his liters are he has somewhat of a high respiratory rate and some babies are just like that. The doctor who rounded on him today opted to bump him up again because his respiratory rate was a bit too high. So, now he's at 1 liter again. I'm quite sure it won't be long until he is back down to .50 liters again!

Lincoln is also being really sleepy again. Why? I don't know....they don't know. It could be a number of things. It could be because he is having a growth spurt. It could be because he is having more pressure on his head. There really is no definite answer. Only time will tell.

He is growing very well. He was put over in nursery b a little over a week ago. They've finally put his feedings back down to a 30 minute period. It used to be set up to be given to him over a period of an hour. He's doing well with the change and has virtually no spitting up.

How much does he weigh you ask???? He is 5 lbs 3 ozs .... that is double his birth weight!

I find myself at the hospital dreading the thought of leaving. I'm happy to come back to my home and family....just not happy it's without my little baby. I know we're getting closer, but there are a lot of milestones we have to reach first. He made a bit of progression and was being tapped once every third day. Well, we've regressed a bit and now it's back to every other day. The point he is at now, it's looking like he will have to have a shunt unless things get better pretty quickly. They usually like to wait until they're 2500 grams to do the surgery, he's 2353 right now. Once he reaches 2500 they'll asess his situation and determine whether he'll need it for sure or not. Another milestone will be his feedings. He has to be able to eat with no dependency on the feeding tube. Occassionally they'll send babies home with feeding tubes, but it's not something they prefer. Also, it would be a big perk to have him with no oxygen needs, but that is another thing they are okay with making an acception to.

We've been working on breast-feeding for a little over a week now. He's actually doing pretty well with it EXCEPT the fact that he's sooo sleepy. He's got the concept down now it's a matter of just staying awake! I've been using a boppy and Scott seems to like to use it while holding Lincoln.

TWO months old

2010-01-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Lincoln is already .... Two months old... In different ways time has gone slowly, but for the most part it has gone by rather quickly! Probably the biggest gift for ALL of us on his birthday was his siblings being able to see him in person for the first time.

We love you Lincoln!!! Can't wait until you can come home and we can celebrate many more firsts with you. You are such a special little spirit and we are so incredibly lucky to have you in our family.

...Siblings...

2010-01-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

These were the faces of anticipation....

When Scott and I made one of our daily visits to Lincoln, we found out they had lifted the ban on kids under 14 being able to come up on the NICU floor. The sad thing is the ban was lifted three weeks ago and somehow we never found that out. The second it was confirmed, the little wheels in our heads got to turning and we made plans to surprise the kids with their first meeting with their baby brother.

As soon as we revealed what they were about to do, they couldn't believe it. They were SO excited!!

The only catch....they could only see him through the window. I think that was good enough for them though. Originally we thought they weren't going to be able to meet him until he came home from the hospital.

Truly, the looks on their faces were PRICELESS! Maybe my eyes welled up with tears, maybe they didn't.....I don't know (ok, maybe I do know). We were so happy to be able to do this though. It really was a very memorable experience.

Other good news.....Scott changed his first diaper with Lincoln! Poor Scott, if he would've chosen the diaper 2hrs before he would've had to change just a pee diaper. Instead, he waited, the nurse cornered him, and he got a GOOD diaper with a GOOD amount of #2!

Daddy & Me

2010-01-03T18:04:00.001-08:00

FINALLY!! Daddy got a chance to hold baby! I've been trying to convince him to do a little skin on skin, but I don't think it's happening. He was very excited, maybe a little nervous, to hold his baby boy.

Now....if I can only convince him to change his diapers...or at least take a turn. I don't mind changing him though. You'd have to think you couldn't deal with too big of a mess with this tiny one, but believe me he knows how to fill the diaper up!

Lincoln is doing great all in all. He is off of the high flow on his nasal cannula and down to one liter. We should be able to start trying breast or bottle feeding soon. We just have to work on keeping his respiratory rate down. They need it below 80 breaths per min and he can go up to 100 or so per min.

He is in a big boy bed now!!

The criteria for this.....be a certain weight and he would have to be able to keep his body temperature stable on his own. He's doing it! The poor nurses felt a little bad for him too. When he'd have a messy diaper they said they couldn't imagine being trapped in a closed isolette with the stinky diapers he produces.

He is now 4 pounds 6 ounces. He is making huge strides. All of the doctors and nurses are still very impressed with his progress!

So, we have a wonderful nurse in the NICU who LOVES to take pictures. Mind you, she is not one of Lincoln's nurses, but still takes the time to photograph our little babe anyway. Here are some of the fun images she has taken recently.

The nurse who took his pictures said he keep doing the kissy lip face. A bunch of nurses were gathering around him oooing and awwwing. She said he would bat his eyes at them and look around a bit. Yep....he's definitely got my Brown boys genes!!

gRoWiNg

2009-12-31T20:23:00.000-08:00

So, this was given to me today. Lincoln has grown a bit since they last took his foot prints. The foot print on the left was from today at 7.5 weeks old. The foot print on the right is from when he was 1 week old. He is now weighing in at 4lbs 3 ozs.

The nurse captured this adorable face while she was doing a photo for identity pictures! She said he wouldn't open his eyes because it was too bright. As soon as she turned the lights out, he opened his eyes but stopped smiling.

......and this is the little treasure I captured as I was leaving. You know, he sleeps the whole time we're snuggling but the moment I put him back he's WIDE awake. I think he's super smart and knows what he is doing. It's hard for me to walk away when he's awake and he knows it, it's part of his game plan!!

And a Merry Christmas it was!!

2009-12-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

This is partially where we spent our Christmas Eve. Lincoln got all settled into his new bed at our local hospital(he graduated from the giraffe isolette...not sure what the new one is called)! It was an awesome feeling to be back!

The rest of the night we had a nice Christmas Eve dinner, opened Christmas jammies, watched Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas, put out milk and oreo cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer.

It was an awesome Christmas day! We started out with a morning snuggle

A little weigh in first...

1719 grams which translates to 3 lbs 12.5 oz's!!

Then we ended the day with a nice warm bath and some comfy Christmas pj's

Last but not least.....it's always icing on the cake when you have a handsome Daddy!!

Ever changing!

2009-12-23T19:24:00.000-08:00

It seems like as soon as I make a post about Lincoln's condition or situation a big change happens right after! Well......for this time that is GREAT news!!! We got an early Christmas present.....Lincoln is going to be transported back down to our local hospital. I am so giddy I can hardly contain myself! They'll be transporting tomorrow morning, just in time for CHRISTMAS!!!

Super sweet....but a little mischevious!

2009-12-23T12:17:00.000-08:00

Would you believe it if I told you Lincoln has really come a long way?? It's been two weeks since his surgery. Originally they were tapping twice a day at 14 ml's per time. They found that was really helping then they decided it was helping a little too much. They ended up tapping twice a day at 7.5 ml's per time. That also seemed to help, but just a tad too much. The next step was to tap only once a day at 14 ml's per time. NOW they're tapping only once every other day 14 ml's per time!! They did a head ultra sound the following Tuesday after his surgery and discovered his ventricles were decreased in size. They just did another head ultrasound on Monday and the ventricles have decreased even more. The nurse practitioner who was in charge of him last night said she could see a vast improvement not only in his ventricles but his physical state as well.

So many things to be grateful for, but I can't help to think how I would love to have him home or even at the hospital here in town. Hopefully we'll get him back to the hospital here sooner than later....that is a work in progress. He is improving so much though....he has had very few apnea spells. I held him yesterday and it was the first time in just about three weeks that all of his vitals were extremely stable the whole time! He's now weighing in at 3 lb's 9 oz's and is 17.25 inches long. The occupational therapist came by to see him yesterday and he was the most awake he had ever been. She assessed his situation and had nothing but GOOD things to say about his current condition. The nurse from the night before last informed us that when they drew blood for a few tests he wailed and wailed. She could hear his crying through his isolette! The loudest cry we've ever heard out of him was when he was first born. Since then we've only heard but a few peeps. Call me a mean mom, but knowing he can cry and did was extremely exhilarating for me!

In other news.....he fits right in with the other kids. He's super sweet, but a little mischevious. The nurses have had to put mittens on his hands because he keeps pulling out his feeding tube and nasal cannula!

Squeaky toy

2009-12-21T07:50:00.000-08:00

We had asked the nurses when he was first born if we could bring in our camcorder to film Lincoln. They weren't so sure because of privacy issues for other babies. Well, we decided what would it hurt if our curtain was closed?? As I was holding him yesterday, he kept making these little squeaky noises when we discovered he had the hiccups! We couldn't resist....It had to be filmed! Scott used his phone to capture this precious moment.

Listen closely....it's kind of quiet!

I BeLiEvE

2009-12-17T20:12:00.001-08:00

Lincoln had his first encounter with Santa.....It didn't bother him a bit

I can't quite tell what Santa is getting at here. Scottie automatically assumed Lincoln was on the naughty list because Santa is pointing at him.

I think he's on both the naughty and nice list. He can be a little mischevious. His vitals will go all crazy but the second the nurse comes into adjust him he'll self-correct.

But I also think he MUST be on the nice list because he's the sweetest baby ever!

{Just keep growing}

2009-12-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

I'm SO super proud of this boy!!! His reservoir is most definitely helping! He hasn't been swinging as much on his vitals as he had been before. They decided they have been taking off a little too much fluid so now they've come to the conclusion that when they tap they will only take half of what they have been....previously 14 ML's, now 7.5 ML's. They will continue to do this twice a day until they see the need is no longer there then hopefully~eventually they will get down to no tapping!

As for his transfer back down to our local hospital....we're on the edge of our seats to even find out a timeline! Hopefully in the next week we will have some idea.
They did an eye exam to test for retinopathy, which is a common issue with preemie's. He passed his test with flying colors!!

Progress

2009-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Lincoln is always surprising us with his progress. He has been improving with each day. The latest thing they have been concerned about was his bowel movements. He didn't have one for almost two days. The worry in this is that the digestive system is not working correctly. If that is something that were to continue, it may require surgery. I had called his day nurse yesterday morning and she informed me "still no stool." I became a little worried. The last thing I wanted was for him to have to require another surgery. By the time we got to the hospital last night...still nothing. It was time for his cares, so as Scott and I jumped in to take his temperature and change his diaper, there was a little surprise in there. It was one little poopy! I had never been so happy over a poopy diaper. The nurse grabbed the measuring tape to measure his belly and right after that he made the cutest little face ever!! He was pushing and out came more poop. They have to measure both the urine and stool output and so she retrieved that diaper to weigh it. Oh no....it doesn't stop there, he kept on going. He did this about four times. It was the highlight, besides holding him of course, of my night :) When we first got there, they were also doing a head ultrasound to examine his ventricles and to see how the reservoir was working. I called his nurse this morning to see how he did through the night..."very very well"...and how his morning was so far. She informed me that "the report was back from the ultrasound and that everything was looking good. His ventricles are looking a little smaller and there is improvement." We are SO happy!!

hope (hōp): Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

faith (fāth): Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

*When I contemplate these past five weeks I can't help but think of how MUCH the words faith and hope were a part of our every day lives and still are.

grat·i·tude (grăt'ĭ-tūd', -tyūd'): gratitude is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

praise (prāz): In its common usage, praise is the act of making positive statements about a person, object or idea, either in public or privately.

*I also can't help but to think of how much gratitude and praise our family has paid and still owes to our Heavenly Father.

The Plan of Salvation: The great plan prepared by our Father in Heaven before the creation of the world to enable His children to come to earth, receive mortal bodies, and return to live with Him and their families in the life to come. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is central to the plan of salvation, as it makes possible the overcoming of spiritual death, or sin, and the overcoming of physical death by the power of His resurrection.

*But I know it's all worth it in the end. When I think of The Plan of Salvation, it intricately weaves all of these words and definitions so tightly together that there is no denying of the truthfulness of it.

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father who loves us each SO dearly. He knows each of us individually and is painfully aware of our most trying tests in life. I am forever grateful to our Savior, Jesus Christ, who made it possible....no matter what this earthly life brings.....that we may be a family for Eternity.

I am extremely grateful for Lincoln and his fight. The physical trials he has faced so far have been far more difficult than I can imagine enduring and he has richly blessed our lives.

Surgery Update

2009-12-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

Lincoln's doing great! His surgery went VERY well! His vitals were a little crazy last night and have still been crazy-but better today. The nurse practitioner said she is very pleased with his progress. We're letting him recover a bit and hoping we can hold him again soon. We're also hoping we get him back to the hospital closer to home!!

Today's the day

2009-12-10T06:22:00.001-08:00

Lincoln's getting his surgery today. He's turning into a little chunk! He has been gaining lots of weight lately, which is just what the surgeons wanted. He is now around 3 lbs 2 ozs. The surgery is supposed to only have a 5% complication rate. We're praying hard that it is a success and that this will be just what he needs to fix his problem long term.

Not so long ago

2009-12-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

I REALLY wanted maternity pictures while being pregnant with Lincoln since I wanted the same with Colten and it didn't happen. Well....being put on bed-rest made it merely impossible. Scott and I devised a plan that he would try to help me do my maternity shoot. We never really got around to it. I decided to take this picture about three weeks before I had Lincoln. I'm glad I did. I've been meaning to do a post on it since I took the picture, but it didn't happen...'til now!

PURE HEAVEN

2009-12-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

First off I must say, you have to listen to this song....it's Lincoln's

We cuddled today so....I was in Heaven

It had been two days since I was able to hold him....

Okay, Mom....that's enough. I need my beauty rest!

Oh..and you should know, he's smaller than he appears.

We're pretty proud though, he's 2 lbs 12.5 oz's

Next Week

2009-12-03T13:20:00.001-08:00

They say his surgery is now scheduled for next Thursday. I'm not holding my breath. I don't know whether to be happy or disappointed! Of course I don't want him to have surgery BUT if he needs it, he needs it. I know they're keeping a close eye on him and he's in good hands. So, we'll keep praying that everything goes well. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe (crossing my fingers, toes, arms, and legs) it will heal itself and he won't end up needing it.... I don't know. If there were ever a time I had a DEEP desire to fast for something, now would be the time. I'm trying to keep up my milk supply so it wouldn't be a good idea. PLEASE think of Lincoln and include him in your fast this Fast Sunday!!!!

hmmm...

2009-12-03T07:54:00.000-08:00

.....ok, it's Thursday now... and still no word from the neurosurgeons! BUT it's only 9 am. Hopefully we'll hear something soon. OR maybe not hearing anything could be a good thing:)

Surgery

2009-12-02T09:03:00.001-08:00

So, the verdict has come in. Lincoln will be having the surgery. He is tentatively scheduled for tomorrow. We're waiting to hear from the surgeons to find out the exact time. They are doing a head scan today and will determine if it will be for sure tomorrow. If it doesn't happen tomorrow it will most likely happen on Saturday. We'll make sure to let everyone know when we find out!!

..onto a new journey..

2009-12-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

Well, Lincoln went for his very first ride yesterday. He was transferred up to Primary Children's Hospital via an ambulance. The doctors have been watching him closely because of a suspicion of hydrochephalus. This probably was caused from his brain bleed at birth. What's happening is the blood clot is blocking the ventricle not allowing the fluid to flow freely. A good majority of preemies with brain bleeds have this and most often than not it ends up taking care of itself. Lincoln's was quite stable, but then when they measured his head, there was a growth of almost 2cm in two days. The doctors have sent multiple scans up to Primary Children's to determine whether or not he would have to have surgery. UVRMC does not have neurosurgeons, hence the need for a relocation. The surgeons up at PC's wanted to monitor him a little closer to determine if he would in fact be needing the surgery. We have no idea how long he could be up there, it could be days...it could be weeks. Then if they decide to go ahead with the procedure they will keep him until they decide he is stable enough to come back down to Provo.
We will be very busy commuting to SL daily and staying up there for a few hours to visit with him. Scott met with one of the neurosurgeons yesterday after having Lincoln transferred. By looking at him physically, measuring his head, and looking at a growth chart, they determined he may not have to have the surgery. They will be doing their own head scans today to take a closer look though. HOPEFULLY it will take care of itself and he doesn't have to endure surgery. The good news though, is that he is stable enough to have it done if needs be.

Here he is all bundled up, wide-eyed and bushy tailed strapped up on his stretcher.

I joked that this will probably be the most expensive car ride he'll have .

Funny story....We followed the ambulance in our own vehicle on the way up to SL. We had seen a few puffs of black smoke from the truck and didn't think twice about it. We were about a mile away from the exit when suddenly the ambulance pulled onto the shoulder of the freeway. My heart started thumping and just about jumped out of my chest. We were debating back and forth as to why they would have pulled over. We figured if it were the baby they would have flashed their lights on and taken off faster. We remembered the smoke from the truck and though it must be that. The nurse in the ambulance called me on my cell and informed me the truck had broke down and another ambulance was on the way. She also told me not to worry about my baby, he was fine. Not five minutes had passed and the other truck pulled up. They took Lincoln's stretcher out and put it in the other ambulance then we were off! You know the saying...'If I didn't have bad luck then I'd have no luck at all'...? That would have to be mine and Scott's motto for this last year. We can laugh at the truck breaking down though....now if he were critical, that would be a different story. ;)

...sigh...

2009-11-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited!!! I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but it's too tempting! Lincoln is on his third day with no ventilators. He is breathing well on his own with a little assistance from the high flow nasal canulla!
You can actually see his face :) Now all we need to aim for is a little meat on his bones. This should be possible since how they're increasing his feedings everyday...knock on wood....and unless anything goes wrong he should be up to full feedings by the 29th.

I could just eat him up!!

Kanga and Roo

2009-11-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

Well, he got just plain exhausted!! He tried the CPAP for almost a good 24 hours, but didn't last any longer. They felt his carbon dioxide off-put and oxygen in-take levels weren't where they needed to be. At this time they felt it in the best interest to put Lincoln back on the VIP ventilator. I'm okay with that. I feel like they need to do whatever is BEST for Lincoln. Their strategy is to make sure he makes progress, but to be safe while doing it. Their plan of action is to try it again in a few days.

NOW on to better news:

I FINALLY got to hold my baby boy!!! This is what they call the Kangaroo hold. It is so very important for these little fragile preemies to feel the skin to skin contact with their Mommy. Touch...and a positive touch.... helps him to remember me. Holding him helps him to hear my heartbeat as he once did while in my womb. They say, especially once you start feeding them their mommy's milk, they will recognize their mommy's smell. I've chosen one place I touch him every time I go in and that gives him another chance to recognize me, I hold his hand. My voice is something that is familiar to him and I make sure he hears it when I go in twice a day. When I was pregnant with him, I often sang the same song while in the shower. I make sure to sing or hum that song to him while I visit.

LOOK AT ALL HIS HAIR!!

My lil' Elephant

2009-11-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

Lincoln was put on an oscillator ventilator right after birth. They tried to get him on CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) ventilation, but weren't so successful. His vitals went crazy and he wasn't a happy boy.

What Is Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP)? Nasal CPAP delivers air into your airway through a specially designed nasal mask or pillows. The mask does not breathe for you; the flow of air creates enough pressure when you inhale to keep your airway open.

They then decided to put him back on the oscillator. After giving him a break for a day, they decided to try another ventilation system called the VIP on the 19th of November. It is very similar to the oscillator, but it allows him to breath more freely on his own. When I walked in for his morning visit on the 20th, I noticed he had finally graduated to the CPAP and he was doing excellent!! They informed me they changed to the CPAP at 1 am and everything looks great.

There's always a chance he won't stay on the CPAP for very long and may regress to one of the other ventilation systems. He may also do increasingly well each day and not have to wear it for very long and breath completely on his own. Either way, I just want him to be content and safe. And for now.....I'll just call him my lil' Elephant!!

It might look a little different....but this is a good HUGE step, especially considering he didn't have amniotic fluid for TEN WEEKS including the major weeks when his lungs should have been developing.

One week old

2009-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

Lincoln actually turned one week old yesterday evening at 6:o5, but I wanted to give an update of how he's been doing lately.

Please forgive the quality of the pictures :) The nurses actually took them, bless their hearts, but for some reason when I try to scan them in color they become EXTRA grainy.

So, the first picture is of him next to a dollar bill. Poor child, look at him hooked up to all that stuff! The second is obviously just a close up....look at those lips!!

Now, for his condition. He's made LOTS of progress in the last couple of days. He no longer has an infection and is off his antibiotics. He has had two full good days along with two full good nights (this is big for little Linc). They are getting ready to take him off the ventilator and possibly put him on the C-PAP...also another big step. They found out that his brain bleed is considered a grade 1 instead of a grade 3...HUGE news. Today they fed him my milk for the first time and his body is tolerating it very well!

Thanks again to everyone for all your prayers!! He has come a long way this last week. We hope to see many more improvements from here on out. There's bound to be bumps in the road and we're expecting them....I don't know how prepared we can ever be.

LOVE

2009-11-15T11:41:00.001-08:00

We can feel the love that has been offered to us on all levels. Not only have our family and friends been persistant in showing their concern, taking care of us, and knowing the very fragile state of our precious little baby, but so has the medical staff in the NICU. They have also been wonderful in recognizing how fragile our family has been. A few of the NICU nurses have showered us with words of encouragement, a gift basket, scrapbooked pictures of little Lincoln, and three little scrapbooks with pictures of Lincoln for Scottie, Savana and Luke to carry around. AND last but not LEAST knowing exactly what kind of care is needed for Lincoln in his fragile little state.

I can't say it enough:

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I only wish you could see the true size of his little hands and feet. These have been

enlarged just for the blog, they're not true to size.

Lincoln's medical issues

2009-11-15T07:46:00.000-08:00

Mainly to have this as a record I can look back to, I'm going to list all the complications Lincoln has been having since birth.

Day 1...Nov. 9th, 2009:

Lincoln was born at 6:05 pm and immediately rushed to the NICU to be evaluated and taken care of. He was put on 100% oxygen. The main things they found were that he had some sort of an infection, he was having problems with his blood pressure, and also having problems with his heart contracting at a proper pressure.

Day 2...Nov. 10th, 2009:

His oxygen level had been taken down to 30% and they found he was doing well with his lungs. They were able to stabilize his blood pressure. They also noticed that his heart was now contracting properly. They found the duct in his heart, which all fetus' have and should close at birth, had not closed. He had become very swollen. The swelling and infection was preventing this duct to close. It is VERY crucial that this duct close. If the duct would not close on its own or without three doses of ibuprofen every 24 hours they would have to opt for surgery to close it. They had given him blood pressure medication the previous day and were seeing it was now stabilizing.

Day 3....Nov. 11th, 2009:

They found he had a brain bleed which was diagnosed as a grade 1 (grade 1 being the least concerning). This is common in premature babies, but as long as it's not significant bleeding it should be fine. They had been evaluating the severity of it through out the day. They had given him some ibuprofen to help with the process of the duct closing in his heart. We were also informed that the infection Lincoln had contracted came as a result of bacteria entering the womb after my water had broken. He may have swallowed the bacteria that was in the amniotic fluid...the small amount that was in there...and/or it may have gotten into the placenta.

Day 4....Nov. 12th, 2009:

One of the partner neonatoligists approached us as we were visiting Lincoln. He had gone over a second x-ray of Lincoln's brain and had expressed that he was very very concerned. We were previously told the brain bleed was a grade 1 and they were now looking at a grade 3. There's a good possibility that the administration of the ibuprofen increased the bleeding in his brain. The swelling had gone down a bit and the hole in his heart had still not closed. At this point they were really stuck between a rock and a hard spot. They were hesitant to give him more ibuprofen since they were thinking that was the culprit in the increase of his brain bleed. They also weren't able to do the surgery because he was not stable enough. WE NEEDED THE DUCT IN HIS HEART TO BE CLOSED!!!

Day 5....Nov. 13th, 2009:

We woke up with the news that a miracle had taken place. They had done another ultrasound on his heart and found that the duct had closed overnight!!! That was a huge concern and now we could all let out a big sigh of relief....at least for a few minutes. The doctors had noticed he had a few suspicious movements that could be indicative of seizures. The seizures would be a result of blood on his brain which we were already aware of. They were giving him medication to prevent the seizures and just keeping an eye of the seizure activity.

Day 6...Nov. 14th, 2009:

The news of the possibility of the severity of his brain bleed was once again emphasized. There is a little discrepency as to how severe the brain bleed is. Dr. Minton and Dr. Miner seem to have differing opinions. Dr. Miner has diagnosed it as a grade 3 and more severe bleed. Dr. Minton has diagnosed it as a severe grade 1 bleed. They have opted to send the x-ray up to the radiologist at Primary Children's to have a third set of eyes to determine what it could be. Also, they were still concerned with the combination of the brain bleed and the seizures. And he was once again having problems with his blood pressure.

Day 7...Nov. 15th, 2009:

We received a phone call from the NICU at 7:30 am. He had a rough night. At approximately 11:00 pm on Saturday, his blood pressure had dropped and they also noticed some more seizure activity. From about 11:00 pm to 3:00 am they were trying different things to stabilize him and finally got him situated.

....WOW....

2009-11-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

The title pretty much sums up this last week and to be honest it is quite of an understatement. The morning of November 9th looked to be one of our "regular" routined days. I had a specialist appointment with Dr. Schemmer, who would do another in depth ultrasound to tell me of the progress of the baby. Everything went well. Right after my appointment with Dr. Schemmer I had one of my two non-stress tests that were scheduled for that week. Everything with that also went well. I went home to continue the rest of my day just like any other. Savana was ready for school and we were just waiting for her ride. I started feeling a little off, a bit crampy and thought if I just layed still it would subside. Well, it didn't. It continued and started getting a little more intense. I called Scott a few times to keep him updated on what was going on. This all started at about 1:00 in the afternoon and by 3:00 I called Scott and told him I was pretty sure they were contractions and I was having them about every three minutes. When I called him that time he was already on his way home from Park City. My mother in law brought the kids home from school at about 3:30 and Scott got home at 3:45.

We arrived at the hospital, they got me into a room and checked me. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced. They put a call into my dr. and they decided at the moment they would just try to stop my labor. They gave me a shot and the contractions subsided for a bit. Dr. Berry put a call in a few minutes later and had decided to proceed with a c-section. The baby was breech...and not just feet first breech.....bum first breech. I was extremely nervous at this point. Not only was this the first time having a c-section, but the c-section was going to be a cascade of events. Some would be exciting but many would be VERY VERY scary. The first thought I had was when he was born would he take his first breath? That was one of the main fears we've had this whole time with my water having been broken for ten weeks. The second thought I had was if he made it passed his first breath what struggles would we have after that?? I knew there would be many.

As they were performing the operation I couldn't help but listen to my heart rate that they were monitoring. I could hear it in rhythm with the pounding in my chest. This wasn't at all an emergency and they seemed to be confident and calm. They talked me through it and then it was the moment of truth.....they held my baby boy up over the curtain to have a peek. Right then he let out two little squeaky cry's. I no longer could hold my tears of joy back and the flood gates had opened. He was beautiful...teeny, but beautiful. He had quite a bit of hair. The sad thing is because all of it was so rushed we didn't capture it on video. I didn't even have a "hospital bag" prepared. They rushed him to the NICU right after that and got him situated. The doctors took care of me and then got me in my room to recover. After I was fine they wheeled me in my bed to see my baby lying in an incubator with all kinds of wires and tubes hooked up to him. I could barely see him through all my tears. His final weight and height:
2 lbs 5 oz's 13.5 inches long. For as little as he was this was a relief to me. He seemed to be a "decent" size. We named him Lincoln.

Right away he was put on the ventilator at 100% oxygen which meant he needed complete assistance in breathing. The next few days would be just the beginning of an extreme variation of emotions. One day we would be completely happy thinking things were going our way and it took but a few minutes and a few words from a doctor to break us down to the lowest point a human could possibly be.

Through out my stay I found myself just wanting to be pregnant still and wanting all of the events at the hospital to have never happened. At another point I found myself just wanting to curl up in a ball and to have someone just wake me up when it was all over and Lincoln was ready to come home from the hospital. Through out our experience with Colten and all the ups and downs through out this whole pregnancy with Lincoln, I never felt as weak as what we were going through now. I wanted to feel and think positive and see the big picture. BUT he was here now and he was REAL he was....tangible. And I knew at any moment I could loose him.

In the picture below they've covered his eyes with his beanie hat just to make sure he doesn't have too much stimulation....his little 28 week old eyes aren't ready for this big world yet.

I've always considered myself a pretty spiritual person, but THIS has defined another level of being spiritual for me. The outpoor of love from everyone has been intense. The outpoor and connection I've had with Scott has been intense. Knowing I have children at home and knowing this little soul who is so so fragile I then know they are depending on me, I find myself pulling it together. I know that they're looking up to me and waiting for my hand to pull them through.

As I left the hospital it was bitter sweet. Sweet in the sense that I had three little children at home that had not seen me in five days. Sweet in the sense that Lincoln would have the very best of the best taking care of him. Bitter in the sense that I just experienced...again....the joys of being pregnant and delivering a little miracle, but coming home empty handed. This time being empty handed is temporary and I am SO grateful I live only 5 minutes from the hospital.

The NICU generally keeps premature babies until the babies due date, that would put us at February 2nd. I'm thinking of starting a separate blog for Lincoln to keep everyone updated and informed on his progress. When it's put together I'll make sure to let everyone know. In the meantime I have A LOT of healing to do.

This is going to be an ongoing battle and it will also be what they describe it as a "roller coaster." Keep us in your prayers!

A year we'd like to forget

2009-10-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

Warning: this is a pretty long post. I wanted to give an in depth exlpanation of what we've been experiencing and I also wanted to make sure I had a record of the events that have taken place with our little baby boy up to date. BUT please read :)

May 13th I took a pregnancy test and had a positive result. I couldn't believe I was actually pregnant especially with everything that we went through with Colten. I found myself happy, but extremely nervous and anxious.

Everything was going really well. Naturally, with all my pregnancies and an exception of Colten, I am very lucky. I don't get any kind of morning sickness, maybe occasional fatigue, but other than that I have it REAL easy. I found out that I had been exposed to the Human Parvo Virus, also known as fifth disease. This virus isn't normally harmful UNLESS you are pregnant. We had a few suspicions that I could have contracted it, but didn't know for sure until I took a blood test and the results came back positive. I was extremely concerned. The day the results came back was July 3rd. That night I had contractions, heavy bleeding, and was convinced I was having a miscarriage (that being one of the side-effects of the virus if pregnant). I couldn't believe I was going through this again. I was so petrified that we would be experiencing another loss. We rushed to the E.R. to at least have a peace of mind whether or not the baby was ok. At the time I was nine weeks along and knew nothing could be done and if it was the worst case scenario we would have to let nature take its course.

At the E.R. they did an ultrasound and found out the baby was completely fine. The baby looked great and as far as they could see, there really was no explanation for the bleeding and they released me with the advice to just take it easy. I had a regular prenatal check-up scheduled and was referred to a specialist. The consequences for the baby of the virus could be anemia and also problems within the brain. We had gone to the specialist to follow up on any of the possibilities. From what he said everything with the virus was looking ok. BUT upon looking into things in depth he had found I had a HUGE blood clot in my uterus which would explain the bleeding.

He wasn't very optimistic. He was now more concerned about the blood clot over the virus. I guess it's very common to have a blood clot while being pregnant, but they normally don't get so big and tend to take care of themselves. Mine took up over fifty percent of the space in my uterus. I found myself crying at the end of the appointment, convinced that the result of what was supposed to be a happy event, was just going to be another heartache. We continued to set our future appointments as if my pregnancy was going to continue, and it did. I made it to my next prenatal and specialist appointments.

Everything started looking good and the blood clot looked to be shrinking. We were ecstatic thinking things could be taking a turn for the best. About two weeks went by after my specialist appointment. I was eighteen weeks along and I woke up in the early morning to what I thought was bleeding again. It wasn't bleeding this time and I was a bit confused. I made a couple trips to the bathroom. The third trip is when things got real scary. I had left a trail that went all the way across my bathroom and ended in a BIG puddle in front of the toilet. I yelled for Scott and told him we needed to get to the hospital right away because I believed my water had just broke.
We ran over to labor and delivery at the hospital where they did a number of tests along with an ultrasound. The baby looked great. They did a test to confirm as to whether or not it was amniotic fluid. The test results came back negative. We were told it was probably just a build up of mucous. I was really confused because I had never heard of that before, but was relieved everything was fine.

Again, two weeks later, I went to a check up with the specialist. Immediately the ultrasound picture looked different to me. The technician asked me if I had been leaking amniotic fluid. All the fears and concerns I thought could be pushed away and forgotten came rushing back. I told her that in fact I had an incident and made a trip to the L&D two weeks previous. The specialist came in and informed me that I had virtually no amniotic fluid and it had probably been a result of my water breaking. The cause of my water breaking was from the blood clot. Again, here we were facing a very grim outlook.

So, what could result from this would be: going into labor at any point, contracting an infection in my uterus as the result of no amniotic fluid as to which they would have to deliver the baby no matter the gestation, the baby passing as a result of cord compression, and if the baby would make it to viability the next concern would be lung development. With no amniotic fluid it is extremely hard for the baby's lungs to develop, amniotic fluid is a key component. At 24 weeks is when the baby's lungs start developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help the air sacs inflate once the baby hits the outside world.

My doctor informed me that if we make it to 34 weeks we would deliver the baby. There is a chance though that when he is born he wouldn't make it because of pulmonary hypoplasia (improper lung development). All we could do is hope for the best and take it one day at a time. I had previously been on partial bed rest then had contractions and bleeding. After that my doctor ordered full time bed rest.
I'm now 26 weeks along. The doctors are surprised each time I come back in and am still pregnant. The baby moves a lot and is still growing. With all of the ultrasounds they have been doing, all of his vital organs, not including his lungs, all look adequate. The lungs are something they can not see by ultrasound though. Even with a CT scan, or any other measures they would use to examine his lungs, there is no way to be able to track the development. That is something we will have to wait to find out at birth.

Professionals consider the baby viable at 24 weeks gestation. The specialist sat down with us to go over any and all options. The first option he gave us was for me to be admitted to the hospital full-time until the birth of the baby or seeing a significant drop in his heart rate multiple times. The other option would be outpatient care and go to the hospital twice a week for a non-stress test. I wanted the best for the baby, but really didn't see it being the best option for me to be in the hospital full-time. So, that's what we chose, to stay home. Immediately after my appointment with him they gave me a steroid shot which is supposed to help his lungs.

On Friday, the 16th of October, I went in for another test and when I was about to walk out the door the nurse decided to take my temperature. The thermometer read 99.8. It became a concern to them that the low-grade fever could be an onset to an infection. They decided to admit me to the hospital overnight for observation. A few hours after I had been settled into my hospital room they took my temperature again and it had decreased. They pumped me full of antibiotics and so graciously hooked me up to an I.V. My normal doctor and specialist both were out of town and as a result of that I would be communicating with the doctors on call.

The initial thoughts of me just staying overnight turned into staying until Sunday. Then from that it turned into me staying until Tuesday when my primary O.B. would be back in town. They had me all hooked up to an I.V., a monitor for the baby's heart-rate and a monitor for any contractions. The first night I was there the monitor had recorded a significant decrease in the baby's heart rate for almost three minutes straight. They watched it closely and had decided if it had taken one to two more dips they would have delivered my baby via c-section that night. The nurse came in and had me change positions. Luckily after that we had no other scares.

The worst part of my hospital stay, including all that I was bound to, was that my children could have ABSOLUTELY no access to my room because of flu season. I was devastated. As far as I could tell they were going to keep me in the hospital for the entirety of my pregnancy. I couldn't fathom the thought of not seeing my children and that in itself would have been the result of my insanity.
My husband stayed with me the first three nights while my mother stayed at our home with the children. We had devised a plan so that we could at least "see" each other, even if our view was 150 feet away(no exaggeration). The only good thing I could say about staying at the hospital was my view.

It was beautiful. The room had a north facing three pane window that looked over the valley. I could see the mountains and the hustle of the thousands of people who went about their daily lives. There also was an area with grass, fountains, benches, and statues on the hospital grounds. That is where I would stand at the window, cell phone to ear, and I.V. in tow to "see" my children. The thought of this experience still brings tears to my eyes and a tug at my heart.

I guess it was the unknown that hurt the most. The unknown of EVERYTHING. How long would I have to stay in the hospital? How long would it be until I could see my children in person again...smell their smells and hold them in my arms? After being in the hospital, for who knows how long, would the outcome of this oh-so delicate process would I FINALLY be able to hold my little newborn in my arms or be heart-broken and have to pick up the pieces again? I knew if I would stay in the hospital that I would truly go insane, but I knew I would adjust and be helping the chances of my little baby's survival.

My mother came to visit often while Scott would take over for the care of our children. They tried to do whatever they could to make me comfortable. Scott brought my laptop so I could still try to keep in touch with the "real world." He also brought magazines and upon my request, a Cold-Stone chocolate ice cream with roasted almonds in a waffle bowl. My mom had taken the children to Thanksgiving Point on Saturday where they had loads of fun. Her gift to me was a vase with flowers, a card, and a halloween sign that had a witch on it and said "Best Witches." She's always so thoughtful.

My doctor paid a visit to me on Tuesday and had an in depth conversation with me. He felt comfortable leaving it at my discretion as to whether or not I thought I should stay in the hospital. He felt that knowing us really well, having delivered 2 of my babies already, and with me being only 24.5 weeks along, he was really okay with whatever my decision would be. I chose to go home. I knew what the signs were to look for with an infection and I would continue my bi-weekly non-stress tests. There was an important lesson I learned from that hospital stay. We have to find the positive in everything. When first being on bed rest I was depressed thinking of all I was missing out on . The hospital bed gave me a new perspective and I longed for my couch.
Ultimately, I know that there are a few things I can do to make this a positive outcome and I am taking those measures. I also know that it is not in my control what my story will be. Having been through the loss of a child once before only confirms that to me over and over again. I know Heavenly Father STILL and ALWAYS has a plan for me. I REALLY don't want to lose another child, but know that He is in control and KNOWS what I can handle.
I continue my multiple doctor visits, non-stress tests and bed rest praying that all will go well. I continue to intrigue the doctors as to why I have not delivered yet and I hope to keep them guessing. Each day he stays in my tummy is another day on my side. Each Tuesday is the mark of my new week....this coming Tuesday I will be 27 weeks along. The closer and closer we inch along the more and more optimistic I become. My fingers are permanently crossed. My ULTIMATE goal is to make it to 34 weeks. If I can't make it that far I hope for 30 weeks. We'll take whatever we get, but I am now preparing myself for a baby who will possibly spend an extended period of time in the NICU.

My spirits are good and I have been just trying to take it minute by minute....enjoying each movement of the baby, relishing in the fact that I feel his hiccups or when he decides to roll over a bit. I will be keeping everyone updated on my blog of this new experience. Thanks to EVERYONE for all of your help, love and concern!