Reminiscing

The other morning I was trying to compare my memories of what Lincoln looked like back then and what he is today. It almost seems like a different life-time, a different baby. He has a few set-backs, but for the most part he is doing really well. I can hardly imagine the child who was struggling and clinging to precious life. When we're in these trying, desparate, dark moments we think we may never survive. We don't know how they will ever pass and each moment...smell...sound becomes so deeply etched into our minds. I heard the perfect description before, but don't remember where I heard it from. They said "the pain I felt was as though my heart was literally breaking in half." I felt my chest caving in and I saw and felt so much darkness. Although, through the darkness there was always a ray of light. Things change, that is life, it's ever changing. And although I remember quite a few things vividly, the pain has lessened and we're in an awesome place right now.
I took Scottie to baseball practice tonight. The field they played on was right across the street from the hospital. I sent a text to one of Lincoln's primary nurses to see if she was working. The last time she took care of him was right before he got transfered BACK to PCMC due to his infection from his shunt. He spent the last month of his hospital stay at PCMC. It had been probably six months since she had seen him. She was one of our favorites too!
She was amazed at him. She couldn't stop drooling. When he was in her care, she would tease about taking him home in her purse. Tonight she commented that none of her purses were big enough for him to fit in anymore!

Our sweet respiratory therapist also bumped into us. Ryan teared up when he saw Lincoln. I truly believe these little spirits come to teach us a lesson. Whatever that may be for whomever may need it. It was very rewarding for me, to show those who worked so very hard to keep Lincoln here, the fruits of their labors.

We had SO many warm people who cared for not only Lincoln, but for us as well. That's why it was so easy to call UVRMC our 'home'. I walked into the parents lounge, the smell smacked me in the face like I walked into a brick wall. A flood of feelings, emotions and memories came back. I didn't cry though, I could smile. What a journey!